day six (WITL)

Today was a scorching hot day filled with sweat, love, and nail polish. We started out the day working at Mandla's house. In order to finish the foundation of the walls we needed to carry a lot of materials to the site. I made at least 5 trips back and forth, carrying bamboo-like poles. These poles are attached to the outside of the wire mesh on the walls to help keep the walls strong. We then filled with walls with the remaining rubble and rocks. It was such a long process, that was slowed down by the huge language barrier we share with Michael, the project coordinator. He doesn't speak a drop of English, making it very hard for him to explain what projects need to be accomplished. To make it a little more complicated, his stubbornness and desire to be involved in every step of the process makes it take a little longer. Try building a house by yourself. That's sort of what it's like and it ain't easy! There are so many of us just waiting to be put to work so it can be frustrating at times. Luckily we were able to implement many assembly-lines to get tasks done quicker and involve more people.

I made a new friend yesterday, and today our relationship was deepened. My new friend (whose name is still incomprehensible due to the quiet jibberish she mumbles) hung out with me all day. This 3-year-old cutie has a precious smile that shines despite the sore she has on her eye. She pointed to her wounds today almost as if she was asking for help. I was sorry I couldn't help her with something that was so obviously painful. Nonetheless, she was always in my arms or holding my hand today. She walked with me to carry supplies to the site, handed me rocks in the assembly line, and even fell asleep with her head buried in my neck. Eventually she began calling me "mama" and was content just being carried in my arms from task to task. When it came time for lunch, I handed her off to a friend. I said goodbye and began walking back to WITL. My friend Allie called out my name and pointed to my little love who had wiggled out of Allie's arms to follow me to WITL. We intertwined our fingers and headed to lunch together. Lunch buddies. I like that. Her loyalty never ceased, she even waited on my chair patiently for me to go get my lunch in the house. I came out and there she was sitting there with a big smile on her face. She sat on my lap contently as we shared a peanut butter and jelly sandwich under the shade of a tree. That is a memory I will never forget.

In the afternoon I stayed back at WITL and helped out with the gogo's. We painted their nails (Katie painted 18 women's nails "Cherry Red" in record time!), played card games, and had them paint a large barrel outside with their handprints. It was our last time with the gogo's, so we took a group picture and hugged them goodbye. It is really starting to set in that tomorrow is our last day. It is crazy to think about. Our adventures are coming to a close but just starting too! Playing with the kids today and becoming more and more attached to them caused me to recognize how difficult it will be to leave. What a wonderful chapter in my life that I never want to lose.

siyahamba

Siyahamba, ekukanyen' kwenkos',

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos',

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

Siyahamba, siyahamba, oh,

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

Siyahamba, siyahamba, oh,

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

We are marching in the light of God,

We are marching in the light of God.

We are marching in the light of God,

We are marching in the light of God.

We are marching, marching, we are marching,

We are marching in the light of God.

We are marching, marching, we are marching,

We are marching in the light of God.

(Video of Siyahamba to hear the tune)

This is a Zulu song we sing with the kids and gogo's. I am marching back to WITL with my new little love-bug in the picture. She called me "mama" all day and never left my side.

day five (WITL)

*Posted a day late

This morning we headed back to Walk in the Light to continue working on Mandla's house. Mandla had mentioned that he wants a veranda attached to his house, so we cleared the land away to make room for that. We also began putting metal mesh along the poles of the house. It is really beginning to look like a house! To make the walls, we first create a hallow wall out of mesh and then fill the hole with big rocks and pieces of rubble. Next we will create the mud/cement bricks to build the actual walls of the house. We had to find the pieces of rubble laying around the site, so I recruited some neighborhood kids to help me hunt for pieces. It was hilarious, eventually I had at least 10 kids following me in a single file line carrying big pieces of rock and cement blocks. People in my group kept on cracking up and saying it was child labor. The kids loved it though, we sang songs and held hands on the way to finding the rocks, and then sang while carrying them back! It was very efficient too! :) After collecting the rubble I sat in the shade with some of the kids and let them draw in my journal and all over my arms (Kaila's idea that sounded fun in the beginning). I ended up having two tattooed arms, hands, and the beginning of one leg. I am seriously in love with these kids though, it will be so hard to leave them on Wednesday, our last day at WITL. I have seen a sense of selflessness and love in them that I have never seen before. For instance, this afternoon I was standing with one little girl in front of me. I had been itching a bug bite on the side of my knee. Eventually I stopped itching it, but then all of a sudden I feel little fingers itching it for me. She had casually reached over and started itching my bug bite for me! She looked up at me with a huge grin which melted my heart. It was too funny.

In the afternoon half of us stayed at Mandla's house while half of us went back to WITL to do some smaller projects. I stayed at WITL and created a pile of bricks to be used at Mandla's house. We had a nice assembly line going with some of the kids. Afterwards I sorted clothing and created outfits out of the donated clothes with Katie, Cindy, and Emily. We bagged each outfit and they will later be distributed among the people of Haniville. I loved doing the outfits! My mom and I love looking at baby/toddler clothing...so I thought of her as I paired tiny pants with tiny shirts. Some of the sweaters and hats were even knitted by the gogo's who come to WITL. It was strange pairing heavy jackets and sweaters with sweatpants when it's 90 degrees outside. I have to remember that their winters get very cold and their houses have very little insulation (if any). I can already see the weather starting to turn colder in the evenings. We are now in their Autumn season and they are preparing for winter. Doesn't really feel too much like Fall during the day though! It has been so hot that you can literally feel your whole body cool down the minute a cloud covers the sun. It's a wonderful feeling that doesn't occur that often. It's amazing though, some of these kids who were helping us work were wearing turtle-necks and sweatpants. Bug bite girl even had a jacket on over! I could see the beads of sweat dripping down her face. Nonetheless, they wanted to help wholeheartedly and didn't let the heat interfere.

I was talking the other day with some people about how when I enter into Haniville or similar townships, I feel like I have stepped back in time. From the style of houses to the dated toys the kids play with to the lack of organization, I feel like I have entered into a time machine and gone back to the 1920's. It is interesting because this is all these people know. Many of them have never left Haniville before, or been more than 60 miles from their home. Life is so simple for them, yet so complicated. Simple in the fact that they eat to survive, play to pass time, and walk to get to work rather than exercise. Complicated in the fact that disease is rampant, water might not be drinkable, and death is a reality they face everyday. It's a life I cannot even begin to identify with. Since tomorrow is our last day serving, I know I will go back home to my old life. I know I will go back to comfort and the ability to eat when I'm hungry, drink when I'm thirsty, and buy clothes when I have the desire. I am leaving with my eyes opened to so much, but sometimes I just don't know what to do with it. As much as I would like to say I'm going to give up my morning lattes, or stop buying clothing because I have finally seen what truly is important in life, I know those practices won't last long. My hope is that I will be able to take this experience as a tool that can impact my life and alter my lifestyle but not change my identity entirely. I want it to shape me and mold me, but not ruin me. It is so easy to feel guilty about what I have been blessed with. But that is exactly what it is, a blessing. If I have been given money and comfort, the least I can do is be educated on the realities of this world and bring my knowledge back and spread a sense of gratefulness, generosity, and humility. I want to learn to truly appreciate what I have been given. I don't think the only way to appreciate it is to purge yourself of those blessings, I think you can appreciate them by using them. Use the money I have been given, take advantage of the opportunities I have been granted. Why let them waste away or fall into the wrong hands?

I have so much to process and these are just the beginning thoughts I have had. I know it will take me a lifetime to truly understand what I have seen here and what lessons I have been taught, whether directly or indirectly. All I really know for now, is I am seriously blessed.

day four- back to bonginkosi

Today was a day of closure. The group of 5 Bonginkosi students loaded up the bakkie (one of the trucks here) and headed back to the preschool to deliver some materials and say our official goodbyes. When we pulled up the kids immediately started screaming and running to jump into our arms. Welcome back. Zodwa hugged us and said how much she had missed us. I have to admit, it was nice to be missed.

Our group had some gifts to give to them as a thank you. We made the teachers each a packet of song lyrics, dance and game instructions, and Bible verses. We also included 3 cd's of children's songs for them to play and teach the kids new songs. Lastly, we wrote them a letter thanking them for their hard work at the school and for allowing us to come. We want them to know we appreciate them and are not leaving on negative terms. We also had printed out the 90 school pictures for the kids to take home to their parents. Included was a little packet of song lyrics and the alphabet for the parents to practice with their kids. When the kids received their pictures, it was like Christmas day! Most of the kids have probably never seen a picture of themselves before. When we pulled their picture out and told them, "Look it's you!" their faces lit up with the biggest grins I have yet to see them bare. It felt great to be able to give them that gift. Such a simple act that means so much to them.

After handing out the pictures we played with the kids for a bit. Since leaving the preschool for the week and then coming back this one day, I realized just how much patience God granted me for the last 2 weeks we spent at the preschool. Today was so challenging just being there for 45 minutes. Every kid wanting to jump on my back or have me lift them up lowered the small amount of patience I had. Coming back today definitely was the perfect closure and reminded me of how thankful I am to be at WITL now. We said our goodbyes and gave hugs to the kids, Zodwa, Auntie, Gogo, and the rest of the staff. When we pulled away in the car, the kids were all pressed up against the chain link fence waving and yelling "Hamba kahle!" (Go well!). When driving away from Bonginkosi, we have to pull a U-y and pass back by the school. When we did today, it seemed like every kid was still standing against the fence waving goodbye from across the street. I'll admit, I did get a little teary thinking of the beautiful faces we were leaving behind, yet I know that chapter of my life is complete.

snapshots

Walk in the Light: Hamba Ekukanyeni

The main chapel building.

Meet Mandla.

This is where we are building his house.

In front of his old house.

This is his house now.

It's falling apart. When it rains, it literally melts.

I made some friends today.

One friend even helped me carry the wood supplies back to WITL.

When taking the gogo's portraits,

Katie and I had a little fun of our own.

day two & three (WITL)

Yesterday we finished clearing the ground for Mandla's house. We made huge progress clearing the grass and lowered the ground by about two feet. It was incredibly tiring work but the ground was finally ready to start building on! I woke up this morning feeling all the work I had done in my back. When I got in "shovel position" my back started screaming at me! In the afternoon we had the Jr. Youth program. Tons of kids age 6-13 (no toddlers! yay!) showed up. We taught them the story of Noah's Ark and had them make masks of their favorite animals. We then sang a fun song with them about the story. Afterwards we played games with them, I made a few new friends. It was so nice because a lot of the kids speak at least a little English and can communicate far easier than the kids at Bonginkosi. It was a tiring day but great!

Today we all went to Mandla's house to begin building the structure. It is sort of a tedious process in the beginning but really interesting to be building a house using the locals' techniques. While Michael made the measurements I visited Mandla. I had taken a picture of what progress we made yesterday and showed it to him so he could see what it looked like outside his window! It's just unimaginable to know there is a new house being built for you right outside, yet he can't get up and see the progress or help out in the building. He loved it and kept asking questions about the house. He would like the house to have a veranda :) Today I was thinking about how Mandla is exercising so much humility by allowing us to build him a house. Sure, he obviously really needs one, but I'm not sure I would have the easiest time allowing strangers to give me the gift of a house for nothing in return. My pride and stubbornness would discourage me from receiving that type of gift. I am so thankful he will let us give him a tiny part of our time and care.

While the building began, there were too many people in one place so I decided to go play with some of the kids. It started out with 5 and quickly grew to about 20-25 when school got out early. Their 2 week vacation has begun! So we had many little helpers and forms of entertainment around the building site. When it came time to pack up one of my new friends actually helped me carry a long plank of wood back to WITL. They are wonderful.

After we scarfed down lunch we prepared for the gogo's to come for their portraits to be taken. We have been doing a photo ministry where we take family portraits and print them out for them to hang in their houses. A lot of people here have very few or no family photos. On Tuesday we told the gogo's to dress nicely and bring their family this afternoon for their pictures to be taken. Many showed up in their nicest clothes with a few family members. It was so great to be able to give them the chance to have a cherished picture of their loved ones. I hope they enjoyed having their pictures taken as much as I enjoyed helping take them.

Today was incredibly long and exhausting but every time I walk down the stairs to my chalet after days like this, it's the good kind of exhaustion.

day one (WITL)

Yesterday was my first day at Walk in the Light ministries. I woke up anxious about having another "first day" of service sites. I was excited to finally be used and to get my hands dirty, mind stretched, and heart broken. I was also a little nervous not really knowing what to expect. Needless to say, my first day was absolutely wonderful. We opened with our daily devotional and songs with Phindile, which helped ease my nerves. We then divided into our groups for the morning. One group would continue working on digging a trench for the irrigation system. WITL sits on a large amount of property, which have been turned into planting fields for subsistence farming. The second group went to begin leveling ground to build a house on in the nearby township, Hanniville. My group went out on home visits. What better way to jump right in, right? I honestly felt like I learned more and had my eyes opened more in those three hours than all six days at Bonginkosi. It was incredible. We visited 9 homes. Here are their stories:

Mandla: Mandla is who we are starting to build a house for. Mandla is HIV positive and has TB. As if that's not enough, months ago he was stabbed in the lower back by his daughter's boyfriend. He is now paralyzed and is restricted to his flimsy 2-inch mattress. He can't even straighten his legs. This man might have a damaged body, but his spirit is alive and pure. He laughed and smiled when we talked of his new house. I attempted some Zulu phrases which brought him a huge, teeth-baring smile. If that isn't motivation for building a house in 5 days, I don't know what is.

Sipho: Sipho is HIV positive and has lived a life marked with devastation. He had a stroke in 2007 which left him incapable of completing his work as a truck driver. He is now jobless and relies on his monthly pension of R1010 (about $140). In 2008 his wife died, leaving him alone in his house. Yet his mother, nieces, and nephews live nearby in Hanniville.

Zandile: Zandile is HIV positive and has recovered from TB. Apparently last year she was so ill she couldn't stand up without the aid of a walking stick. She now walks with strength and carries her son strapped to her back. Zandile has recovered because she consistently took her medicine. Sadly, she has already lost one son (as a baby) due to AIDS. She lives in a beautiful house built by previous APU students with her mother, son, and nephew, who is also HIV positive. We were informed yesterday morning that her nephew is very ill and had been moved to the hospital.

Thandi: Thandi is HIV positive and lives with a house full of children and grandchildren. Her son is also HIV positive, while the rest of her family is healthy. Her house had beautiful rooms that were well decorated. Explainably, she is the creative type. Before her illness she made shoes. Now she enjoys knitting and selling her products. She is so talented, I saw some of the clothing she has made. She is in the process of applying for a pension to help pay for her ARV treatment.

Lucia: Lucia is not HIV positive but has had an unknown disease since 2008. This disease caused her to walk in a 90 degree angle. Initially she was restricted to a wheelchair but she has progressed as a result of her clinic visits. She doesn't let this illness hold her back as she cooks, cleans, and gardens all on her own. She lives with her niece (15) and nephew (16) who attend local secondary schools. She said that seeing us reminded her of her previous job, being a maid. I'm not sure if it was our race or age that reminded her of it.

Sizwe and Londgka: Sizwe and Londgka are both HIV positive and are brother and sister. We met Sizwe in bed as he said he was ill with chest pains and a cough. His story seemed a little inconsistent so when we left Phindile explained the whole story. He has AIDS and TB from time to time but will not admit it to strangers so he makes up stories instead. He will have TB, take his pills and feel better. He then stops taking his pills, starts drinking, smoking, and having sex with multiple women (infecting them). As a result, he gets sick again. Phindile doesn't understand why he doesn't take his medicine. Nor do I.

Bhekumuzi: Bhekumuzi is HIV positive and has recovered from TB. He is such a beautiful young man who unfortunately suffered from a stroke three years ago. He is now restricted to a wheelchair, can't move half of his face, and his speech is incredibly slurred. After talking to him I learned he used to be a builder, but loved to take pictures. He showed me some pictures he keeps in his shirt pocket. It hit me then that his young man can't even hold a camera anymore as a result of this horrible disease. His passions are even limited by this monster. Nonetheless, his smile shined as we took a snapshot of him and promised to return with a copy for him to keep.

Henry and Doinbi: Henry is HIV positive and lives under the care of his mother, Doinbi. Henry is about 35 years old but looks at least 50. He is taking medication but has been plagued with the inability to walk or speak. He has been robbed at his chance to flourish as the teacher he previously was.

Phindile: Our guide welcomed us into her home as our last stop. She is on staff at Walk in the Light and takes the locals of Hanniville to their clinic and hospital appointments. She lives with her son and daughter who are in their teen years. She struggles as a single-mom, deserted by her husband. Her son's prevalent alcohol use is an obvious worry for her as we discussed her family situation. Phindile has a beautiful singing voice that can fill an entire room and send chills down your spine. Her faith is so inspiring.

Our day ended by having a small group lesson with the gogo's who work in the gardens at WITL. They began by singing wonderful Zulu songs and then discussed qualities they like about themselves and others in their community.

Overall it was an absolutely beautiful day and I got just what I wanted: my hands dirty, mind stretched, and heart broken.

waiting

Sometimes I wonder the purpose of everything I am seeing and experiencing here. When will I understand why I was placed at Bonginkosi? When will I grasp each and every lesson I am meant to learn here? When will it all make sense? 2 weeks...2 months...2 years from now? I am finding that I am just going to have to be patient and wait. I hate waiting! As much as I know I need to wait, I don't think I believe it yet. I was talking to a friend, Chelsea, telling her my frustrations about service sites. I was saying how I knew I needed to be faithful and that I would see the purpose later on, but I was just impatient. She told me, "Hilary, I think you know you need to wait, but you don't believe it yet." That caused me to stop and think about how I could not agree more. I know I have already learned a lot of lessons from my recent experiences, but I'm not satisfied and know there has to be a bigger purpose than what I currently see. And with my personality, I want to know it now.

I feel like I've also been waiting to be used. Here I am, an able-bodied 19-year-old who wants to be used and serve with all of my being....yet it's not happening! This has been one of the most frustrating things about waiting. Finally I am finding relief as I start Walk in the Light tomorrow and will hopefully be worn out every night from the productive work being done during the day. Nonetheless, I am trying my best to get more and more comfortable with waiting. It's a slow process but as the purpose is continuously (and slowly!) revealed, I am confident that day will come!

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

day six

Yesterday I woke up feeling even worse than the night before, and decided I shouldn't go to Bonginkosi. I was torn because it was our last day, so I wanted to have a proper goodbye, but I knew I would be miserable. I ended up sleeping from 8:30am until 2:30pm. I finally woke up and knew I needed to get out of my room to get some fresh air. I found out how the day went at the preschool from my teammates. They said it was hard to say goodbye to the kids, but we all know it was the right decision to start Walk in the Light. We are going to go back next Friday to take the prints of the school pictures to the kids and so I can say a real goodbye to Zodwa and the kids! I feel so much better about missing yesterday since I will have a chance to see them again.

Last night Carisa and I went out to dinner with Reagan, one of our CLC's, to discuss some of the information that would have been nice to know before coming to South Africa. He's going to put the input we gave him in the information packets for next semester's SA students. We might speak to the incoming groups too, and talk about some tips we would have liked to have known. We also had great conversations about apartheid and Reagan's past. He is a colored 26-year-old man whose first language is Afrikaans. (Sidenote: In SA, racial terms such as "colored" are used freely and are not considered offensive.) Growing up, Reagan started learning English but he was scared to speak it in his area because others would mock him. Speaking English put you at a higher level than those who didn't speak it, so when he spoke broken English, people in his community would discourage him and make fun of his efforts. He said how he can remember the day when all of a sudden everything for him changed from Afrikaans to English. His writing in his journal changed, his thoughts, his speaking, even his dreams changed all in one day. It's so interesting how the importance of speaking English has never even crossed my mind. What a blessing I take advantage of everyday!

He talked about growing up in an area of only colored people. He was considered better than blacks, but worse than whites. Once Mandela became president the apartheid supposedly ended. He said nonetheless, there is still the structure of apartheid everywhere. People were racially divided (physically and psychologically) and those divisions have remained. I have noticed when walking around town or in the malls how uncommon it is to see blacks and whites together in groups. It is still more common for the blacks to be the workers and the whites to be the customers. We have witnessed this even at our service sites. The volunteers are shocked when they find out we know how to cook and clean and that we don't have our own maids! It's so strange to think about how we are all living in the same era, sometimes I feel like I have traveled back in time. Yet, I must remember that race issues still occur everywhere. It has been incredibly eye-opening to experience this first hand.

During one of my Zulu classes this week our professor Wynn told us stories of life in PMB. I asked about how efficient 10111 (their version of our 911) is. She said in her area, just minutes away from African Enterprise, there is one police station that has only 2 cars to be dispatched. She said if there was an intruder in your home and you called 10111, you must speak in isiZulu because if they recognized you as a white, English-speaking person, they wouldn't help you. Yet, even if you spoke isiZulu, they would ask for all your personal information first before even attempting to send one of the cars to help you. By that point, the intruder would already be in your house!

She told us how she had to buy a gun to protect her children when they were young. Wynn has had experiences when men were coming onto her property and she had to threaten them. Wynn is absolutely hilarious and mentioned how she told her husband, "Don't you dare come home late and after dark because I'll shoot you!" She has been so trained to protect herself and her family that if she saw any unfamiliar shadow coming in the doorway, she would do whatever it took to be protected. It is just a different world here. She shares these stories as a regular dinner-table-discussion topic. Wynn also mentioned how some of her students, our pen pals, live in areas she doesn't even want to drive her car into because of the gang danger. Sometimes she drops the students off near their houses and she hurries them to get out of the car so she can turn around and drive away. For her to be scared in her locked car yet the young kids must then walk alone in the dark to their houses...I can't imagine. The toughness of kids my age and younger here is unattainable. The fact that they are forced to live such a lifestyle of self-defense is devastating. It definitely puts my daily struggles and worries into perspective.

Today I took a break from all the heaviness of service sites and went to Durban for the day! We went back to the market for souvenirs and then off to the beach. It was so relaxing. I fell asleep on the beach and actually started dreaming I was sleeping so soundly! It was wonderful. We drove back in another intense rain and lightening storm. Baba Philip is hands down, the best driver! Even when it seems like there is a wall of rain in front of the bus, he can see where to go. I love the feeling of being warm and dry inside when there is a huge storm outside. It reminds me of home a little. Right now I am watching Hairspray with the girls while sitting cozily in my sweatpants and sweatshirt. Tomorrow we are off to watch a musical about the history of South African music. I am constantly amazed at all the activities our tuition covers! This is just some of what I have been learning lately. Everyday brings me new mind-boggling things to think about that always end up hurting my head...and usually my heart.

day five

To be honest, I am entirely drained. Every ounce of my being feels empty. I am emotionally sucked dry, physically exhausted, mentally confused, and sick. Today we had to make a decision regarding whether or not we would stay at Bonginkosi or leave to Walk in the Light on Tuesday. Our group decided that we should finish out this week at the preschool and then switch to the other site next week. We will begin building a house in the township, Honniville, on Tuesday so it will be good to come at the beginning of that project rather than the middle of it. Click here to find out more about Walk in the Light.

I'm not sure why this decision to leave has been so difficult, but it has been such a process and a hard choice to make. As much as I have been reassured (by myself and others) that it wasn't a failure, part of me feels like the lack of success at the preschool has been a failure on my part. I have been worried that we will set a bad example of what it means to serve to Zodwa and the other teachers at Bonginkosi. It's my prayer that they will recognize that we are leaving with positivity and not anger. I'm not only feeling disappointment regarding that situation, but it is also going to be so hard to leave the kids tomorrow. Today we were singing songs and playing games with one of the classes as Khwezi snuggled into me for about an hour. As we sat there, Katie and I were thinking, "Why are we leaving?" Yet, I do recognize that we can't just sing and play with the kids for 3 weeks. So as hard as it will be tomorrow to say goodbye to their shining and joyful faces, I know we have made the right decision.

Zodwa took us back to the Muslim school to see the classes in full swing. As we walked there, she told us she had talked to Reg about us not coming back next week. She wondered why we were leaving and seemed sad about it. It saddened me to see her sad but yet frustrated that if she wants us there so much, why did she not work harder to give us a reason to be there? It seems as though my emotions do 180's everyday. One part of the day will be completely maddening while just 30 minutes later I will be laughing and filled with so much love and joy. I think these days have taken a toll on not only my emotions but my physical strength too. I started feeling sick last night and ended up leaving early today because I am feeling so sick and weak. I slept for over 4 hours after I returned and am about to go to bed before 9pm!

After talking to my parents throughout this experience and tonight (I'll admit, a few...or a lot...of tears were shed) I have realized how much I have learned about myself. I never knew how similar I am to my mom. We both have such a strong inclination to stand up for justice. If something is not fair or someone is being mistreated, something must be said. I have learned how to stand up for myself and be confident to respond to my internal urges for justice. I have learned how to serve in rough conditions. I have learned humility regarding what I have to offer to others. What I think I have to give to someone might not be what they need at that time. Who am I to think I know exactly what others need and is good for them? I have been humbled by the fact that service isn't always going to be tangible. All these kids might need right now is love and arms to be held in. The next semester of APU students might not be able to physically see what God has done at Bonginkosi, but that doesn't mean nothing good has taken place. And I am learning to be okay with that.

So tomorrow is my last day at Bonginkosi. It's weird to say that. I feel like we just started, yet I feel like I have been there for a month! I am praying I have the strength and health to make it the whole day tomorrow. I wouldn't miss saying goodbye to those kids for the world.

"Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. And I know they'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain."

a little humor

This is painted on the walls of Bonginkosi. Judging at my involvement in an almost fatal dog-pile last week, I'm not sure the kids have learned that commandment yet ;)

day four

Zodwa and I

Paintings on the old Bonginkosi site

The inside of the old Bonginkosi.

40 children would play and take naps in this tiny room.

Khwezi and I

Today was a bit of a different day at Bonginkosi.

First, I was informed that 2 of our team members were sick and had to stay back, and 1 was feeling sick but still chose to come with. I pictured myself in a swarm of kids twice the size as usual since almost half of our group was absent. I didn't really like the 32:1 ratio, so we decided that since we are all running ourselves into the ground we would spend a half day at Bonginkosi and then come back early.

Second, Reg wanted to drive us this morning so we could chat about what was occurring at the site and our frustrations. It was so nice to talk to him and get some clarity regarding the situation. He informed us that there had previously been two Americans working at the site who were in direct contact with our staff and organized all of the projects for the students. Those two are no longer at the site as of recent, leaving Zodwa on her own. Reg had thought they were training Zodwa to be able to handle it by herself and organize projects for us, but obviously that was not the case. It was interesting to hear him say how this is an entirely different Bonginkosi than even last semester. It makes me sad to see how quickly it had digressed. Reg then gave us the option to be pulled out of this site and go to Walk in the Light, another site where about 18 of our students are currently serving. We knew that choice was coming, but none of us really want to make it. We don't want to quit Bonginkosi after developing relationships with the children and after having our first successful parent meeting last night. Yet, we recognize that it is going to be a continuous battle that Reg says we don't deserve to fight. Yet, our thoughts began to change after talking to Reg because he said there is a need for us at WITL and there is a way he could remove us from Bonginkosi without hurting Zodwa or the parents/children. So now we are all left with a huge decision. We were hoping they would just force us to do one or the other but of course they are giving us the freedom to choose for ourselves. Tonight we will meet to discuss what is on our hearts.

Third, Zodwa had something for us to do! It's become sort of a joke for us to ask, "What would you like us to do today?" Usually the answer starts with a classic Zodwa laugh, then she says, "Ohhh, I don't know, whatever you want to do today." It gets funnier (and equally frustrating) every time we ask. But when Katie whipped out the infamous question this morning Zodwa began to answer with the expected line, but then she added her idea to take us to the Muslim school close by, to a home visit, and to see the old Bonginkosi site. I was in shock! It was an incredibly pleasant surprise but a part of me still didn't have confidence that her ideas would actually occur. We held her to her word though and we gathered our umbrellas to begin walking down the muddy road filled with bumps and potholes to visit these sites at half past 11. An interesting thing I noticed was that once she realized we were serious about going, it seemed like any little thing became a reason to not go. It started raining lightly, so it took some convincing that we wouldn't be cold and that we could walk in the rain. Once we convinced her, she went and got us each an umbrella. What an easy solution! Next, on our way out, the gate was locked. Zodwa dug through her huge key ring to find the right key. She couldn't find it. It almost seemed like this was a legitimate reason in her mind why we shouldn't go. Alas, the key was found and we began our tours. I have learned so much about the South African community in these 4 days at Bonginkosi and after interacting with Zodwa. I'm actually sort of thankful for moments like these.

Anyways, we ventured to the local Muslim school. Unfortunately the water had been shut off so classes got out early. They invited us back tomorrow for a better look at the school, but one of the girls took us around to see the grounds. We saw the room where they pray at specific times of the day and some of the classrooms. We met a group of 9th grade girls who were full of attitude (some things are the same no matter the time zone)! One of the girls invited us to stay at her house and to eat some food she would prepare. We politely declined her recipe for preparing the insides of a cow. I've had the tongue, I think my stomach has been through enough shock! After the tour of the middle/high school we went to the Muslim kindergarten. It was so refreshing to be with kids who were quiet. There were maybe 20 kids laying on the floor in silence. Ahhh so there is hope I will love kids again! Next, Zodwa took us to a neighboring house where one of the Bonginkosi preschoolers lives. We met his mother and great-grandmother. It was great to talk with more locals, especially after previously interacting with her son. I was able to talk a little bit about business with her, which is what she is studying right now at school. After she finishes her schooling she will likely move to India for work, which she said has its benefits and consequences. It's crazy how people here have to be so flexible in their careers since they rely on their job to such an extreme. We said goodbye and ventured on to the old Bonginkosi site.

The old building is so much smaller than the present location and is just a few houses down the road. We saw the tiny rooms where 40 kids would attempt to nap and play. We also met a hilarious group of 6 Gogo's (grandmothers). They meet regularly at the site and do projects. Their newest project is knitting scarves and hats for the upcoming winter season. They were a bundle of joy and laughter. It was fun to practice a bit of my zulu on them and make them chuckle.

It was wonderful to get out of the preschool and into the community today. This is what we had been dying to do since the beginning of service sites. Seeing such a variety of communities gave me a lot to think about too. I love seeing all the different pieces that make up South Africa.

day three

I just walked in the door from an exhausting day at Bonginkosi. I thought I had seen how crazy 96 children can be, but no, today I finally saw pandemonium at its finest. Today we started to implement some of our project ideas. One idea we had thought of was taking pictures of each of the kids, printing them out, making frames for them to color, and hanging each of their pictures around the classrooms. Our focus is on community. By hanging their pictures, they see that they are each an important part of the community established at the preschool.

Katie and I decided to take on this project. We finished the 25 older students in a very organized fashion. While we took one kid out of the classroom to take their picture, the rest of them were coloring bookmarks for their parents. We had a system down. We had a list of their names coordinating with their picture, we thought we were set. Next we had the other 71 younger students...try gaining control of 71 kids under the age of 4. It's impossible. Especially when you don't speak the same language. Nonetheless, regardless of the language barrier, Katie and I talked to them in normal English secretly hoping they would suddenly understand! It didn't work. It was seriously like trying to tame the circus. At one point, Katie and I each had 3 kids attached to us, one kid in the picture-taking chair who wouldn't move, at least 7 kids swarming the colored pencil tub which then exploded all over the table, and one kid fully on the table on all fours. All we needed was for someone to start eating the pencils shavings...oh wait, that did happen. Like I said, the circus. It was so funny, at some points in the afternoon I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard. By the grace of God though, we somehow took 90 pictures, had 90 corresponding names, and collected their bookmarks. It was a miracle! Only 6 kids were MIA, probably peeing off one of the play toys or too busy beating up their peer to notice it was their turn to have their picture taken. :)

We had planned to have a parent meeting this afternoon after the kids were picked up. We weren't sure if we would even have any parents show up, but we were hopeful. We had begun setting up for the meeting when we realized that our translator, Sipho, was nowhere to be found. We asked Zodwa if she could translate and she said no. It looked as though I was going to have to throw together a few Zulu sentences in efforts to introduce ourselves to the parents. Just as we were about to begin, a mother volunteered to be our translator. Answer to prayers! She was so sweet and was perfect at translating. The group still wanted me to try to speak to them in Zulu, so I managed a few sentences and gave them a great laugh. Our meeting blew all of our expectations out of the water! We had over 40 parents and siblings show up, fill out the questionnaire, and participate in the discussions we had planned. We were able to show them how they are a community brought together by their children, and how important it is for them to work together to better raise their kids. The meeting lasted about 45 minutes and went so well, we were so proud and thankful!

The day was exhausting, but mostly the good kind of exhausting. I feel like we took a huge step forward in accomplishing our goals today and I have a sense of peace regarding the situation. It's going to be hard and draining, but our engagement with the parents brought a sense of hope this afternoon.

ginger

I am officially a GINGE! Spur of the moment, we had a hair-dying party a few nights ago. I love it! I'm going through so many internal changes, so why not spice up the outside?!

today i fell in love

Meet Khwezi.

She clung to my side all day yesterday and I didn't mind it one bit.

Mom, Dad, prepare yourselves.

You might have a new addition to the family!

day two

My heart feels so full.

I finished day two at Bonginkosi and have fallen in love with 96 children. Okay, maybe not all 96, but I could easily pack about 50 of them into my suitcase and fly home satisfied. The sound of their laughter and squeals, the sight of their glowing smiles, and the warm feeling I get when they tell me, "Ngithanda" (I love you) has caused me to become a sucker for these little ones.

It's been an interesting start to the service sites. Yesterday our group sat down to brainstorm ideas for these next few weeks since the preschool has nothing planned for us. We have some great things planned: planting seeds, making tambourines, making bookmark gifts for their parents, learning hygiene, parent meetings, and creating an art project to later be displayed in their art show we will put on. My frustration had been lifted due to the excitement and determination I was feeling. Then, Francis comes and informs us that our site ends a week earlier than all the others. Really?! That was kind of the last straw for us, so it was hard to find my positive attitude last night. We decided that although the circumstances keep getting more complicated and limiting, we will just pack these next 2 weeks full of things for the kids to do and learn from! After spending hours playing with them and looking at their beautiful, innocent faces, I would do anything for them.

Today was a much better day than yesterday. We realized that we need to take charge and be aggressive in taking some of the staff's work. Today we were able to help serve the snacks (porridge, yum) and sit with the kids while they ate. After, I forced the kitchen ladies to sit down while I cleared the tables and hand-washed 96 bowls of gritty goodness and spoons. Mom, you would have been so proud. We also attempted to teach the kids red-light, green-light, duck-duck-goose, and father Abraham. It was hysterical watching them attempt these games. At one point during duck-duck-goose (which took a decade for them to get the hang of) Kwayze (who has my heart right now) ran into the corner of the table and was left lying flat on her stomach. But she just picked herself up and kept running! Katie and I were absolutely stunned at her level of toughness.

The more time I spend here, the more things I want to fix. As I washed the spoons I noticed that they were mostly just disposable spoons that were cracked, broken, and had sharp edges. The kids are probably cutting their mouths and lips on these. If their mouths end up bleeding from it, and they share a spoon with another kid, it is possible that an HIV+ child can pass the disease that easily. How sad that something as simple as replacing plastic spoons can help these kids in such a large way.

We have also noticed the large number of cuts and infections on the kids' bodies. Almost every child has something wrong with their skin or a body part. So many of them have these horrific wounds that are the result of a small scrape or cut becoming infected due to improper hygiene and resources. Some of the kids also have rotting teeth and fingernails. It is so interesting to watch them not allow their wounds to affect them. They are just as loud, energetic, and giggly as an unharmed kid. Although that is encouraging to see them live this way, it is also devastating to see these innocent kids live in such an unaware and unequipped society.

One thing that is interesting about Bonginkosi is that most children are living in a single-parent household. Although the information isn't usually released, it is assumed that most have had at least one parent die from AIDS. Also, the parents tend to be fairly young, in their early 20's. I remember watching two boys walk into the preschool and I was thinking, 'I wonder what two teen guys are doing here.' Then I watched them go pick up their children. It is such a different world over here, yet similar in so many ways. We all have the same basic needs despite different living conditions and lifestyles. I am learning so much about all of humanity just by immersing myself in a foreign culture. It is absolutely wonderful getting to spend some concentrated time in the community now and outside of our AE bubble. I am anxious for the lessons I will learn, for my eyes to be opened, and for the ways my heart will be broken.

beautiful

day one

I have successfully completed my first day at Bonginkosi. It was a long day even though we were only there from 9:15-2:15pm. I'm not sure that the day went better than I had expected or if I just went into it with a more positive attitude than I previously had. I think it was the latter. My group, Katie, Nick, Sarah, Rachel, and I started our day off with prayer and discussing our goals and ideas for the next 4 weeks. It was encouraging and inspiring to hear how dedicated and willing we all are to word hard in order to transform the program. They hadn't figured out a ride for our group, so we patiently waited 20 minutes for a driver. We pulled up to Bonginkosi finally....but it was the wrong Bonginkosi. Our driver had taken us to the old building. So he hopped back in the car and we drove down the bumpy dirt road a little further to the new building we had previously visited. Off to a great start, right? Luckily we were all positive throughout the morning. We entered into our new "home" for the next 4 weeks and were immediately greeted with waving hands and squeals of excitement. It felt good to be wanted.

We met Zodwa, the principle of the school, and she told us, "You can do whatever you want." ....Alright then! We have decided to take the lack of planning and use it to our advantage. We are going to take control of these next 4 weeks and fill it with activities, projects, and events for the kids! I am actually really excited. I know our group is determined to accomplish our goals, so I think it will be great!

Today we sang the hokey-pokey, danced to akeko ofana, and colored. We also played outside in the tiny playground. So you know how I estimated in my last blog that there were 50 kids in the preschool? Yeah, I was way wrong. There are 96 rambunctious and wonderful kids at Bonginkosi! All of them crammed onto the swings, monkey bars, and tires. Those that didn't fit made jungle gyms out of us! At one point I had been sitting on the grass with one girl. Then 2 more kids came over to climb on top of me. Another 5 decided to join in the efforts of fighting for my lap. Another 2 came from behind and pulled me flat on my back by means of throwing their arms around my neck and putting me in a choke-hold. By the end, I was buried under 15-20 kids. I couldn't breath, and I couldn't get them off. No matter how much I screamed "CHA!" (NO!) they didn't budge...more just joined the fun! I started panicking, picturing them finding my dead body underneath a mound of children. Luckily Katie saw me and got the attention of Zodwa, who scared them off of me. When I resurfaced I had lovely red marks all around my neck. I promptly received a mass apology after Zodwa had lectured them about what had just occurred. Note to self: NEVER sit on the ground at a South African preschool...death may occur. I decided one of the phrases I need to learn is, "Please don't kill me, children!" :)

Overall it was an exhausting day but I feel accomplished and encouraged regarding our plans for the next 4 weeks.

bonginkosi, bring it on!

Tomorrow we begin our service sites. All semester we have been visiting each of the 5 sites to figure out which we felt called to volunteer at for the next 4 weeks. A few weeks ago we submitted our preferences and of course, I didn't get assigned to any of my top 2. I got number 4 on my list. They had to choose 5 people to take the site that wasn't in their top choices. Naturally, they knew I wouldn't argue so I got chosen to be in that group of 5. I'm beginning to think I should come across with a bit more of an attitude sometimes? Nah. Anyways, I was assigned to work at a local preschool, Bonginkosi, with 4 wonderful peers. I know that I will learn so much in this experience and will be stretched far more than I could ever imagine.

I remember walking away from the site when we visited, thinking, 'This is too easy, I've worked with kids before. I need a bigger challenge.' Who knew that where I thought was going to be the easiest would be where God is going to teach me the most and take me the furthest out of my comfort zone?

I've actually been pretty anxious about some of the details of the site. Today we had a meeting about it and my anxiety and frustration only increased. There are probably about 50 kids in a tiny 4-room building being taught by only 2 teachers. There are only 2 women who even work there! When we visited, the kids were absolutely precious, but didn't speak a lick of English. I would try and ask them their name in Zulu (I thought I did a pretty good job) and they would either stare blankly, or respond so quietly and quickly that I was forced to pull a name out of my head to just try and continue the "conversation." I would throw out a name, "....Lale..flower?" And they would respond with a look of confusion and disgust, and promptly move on to the next person. Haha, it's really funny in retrospect, but a little frustrating at the time. Not to mention the "oatmeal" they were being fed was smeared all over their faces as they run at you, arms outstretched, wanting to climb you like a tree! Anyways, in addition to that challenge, tonight I found out that there is basically no plan for us in the next 4 weeks. I was so discouraged to hear that there is no schedule and no set plan. I am an organized planner. This will be so hard. I have already whipped out my notebook to jot down some ideas of what to do, but I'm overwhelmed and nervous that there will be no impact or aid provided to the children and their families this semester due to disorganization.

Naturally, after our meeting I tearfully called mom and just waited for her comforting words of wisdom and encouragement. Like always, it helped. I am confidant that these next 4 weeks will bring discomfort, frustration, joy, laughter, sickness (me+50 snotty kids=guaranteed cold), and growth. I am nervous yet excited for the possibilities and opportunities. I would appreciate your prayer and thoughts as I start this new chapter here in Africa!

Link to Bonginkosi's website: http://bonginkosi.wordpress.com/

love is a battlefield

Allie and I under the waterfall on the way to the beach side pools

View from the pool

This week was packed full of swimming, sunburns, and long bus rides! I had two overnight trips. First, I had a mini-vacation with the 9 other isiZulu classmates and Reagan, one of our student life coordinators. This trip was an absolute blast! Second, all 53 students loaded luxury busses to travel to 4 battlefield sites and hear historical lectures. That trip wasn’t quite as fun as the first vacation.
Our Zulu class had the week off while the other students had finals. We decided to take 2 days and venture back to the coastal town of Durban and spend some time exploring markets and lounging in the luxurious pools at the hotel. A friend of mine’s parents decided to treat us all to a night at the beautiful Fairmont Hotel, 30 minutes outside of Durban. It was absolutely gorgeous! All 11 of us piled into a beautiful 4-person room. It was a tight squeeze but worth it. After eating dinner at a delicious Italian restaurant we decided to venture along an unlit path to the saltwater pools that were supposedly on the edge of the ocean. We finally found the pools and it was breathtaking. Infinity pools overlooking the empty moonlit beach. Could you ask for anything better? Well, to make it just a little bit better, we all decided to spur-of-the-moment skinny dip! It was a blast. The next day we headed back to the pool to sunbathe (burn, for me!) and swim. It was a true vacation.
The next day was our scheduled battlefield tours. We were going to be driving from battlefield to battlefield, on Friday and Saturday. We had a huge bus and a 75-year-old tour guide who had just as much spunk and attitude as he did years. It was a bit of a challenging trip for most of us. We were all exhausted from the long days of driving and generally uninteresting historical lectures. We spent the night in a neat hotel though, which served us the best meal we have had since being in South Africa. The butternut squash soup brought me back to fall days in Seattle with the family. ☺ It’s my favorite! That night brought good conversation and a great night’s sleep in Becca and my California King-size bed!
Today was our “Sunday Fun-day.” It was perfect weather for a slip-n-slide and chalet games. It was really fun to spend a Sunday outside in the water, eating watermelon, and soaking up the sun.
Lately I have started missing more things about home. I miss my independence. That has been one of the hardest things about being her, the inability to find time alone and leave campus without a group of over 8 people. You have to be much more creative here in finding even a half hour away from a large group. I think my personality just needs a balance of time with people and separate from. Anyways, I am still learning so much about myself and how to adapt to situations and new environments. I still love waking up every morning to the African sun!

ostrich

I found out today that the "burgers" they serve us are not real burgers. They are made of ostrich meat. Oh my.