home of the brave, land of the free

I am back in the good 'ole USofA as of 11AM yesterday. After over 36 hours of traveling and barely making it through customs on time, I touched down in LAX and was immediately greeted with the smoggy air of Los Angeles. I have already been facing the reality of how difficult re-entry can be. I even had the urge to cry in the DC airport when I began noticing differences in the culture to South Africa! I know the next few weeks will be challenging and incredibly important for me to consider all that has happened over the past semester. I have learned, grown, been broken down and strengthened too much to ignore it. It's hard to process through but so important to. This semester abroad has truly been the best, hardest, and most influential experience in my life. I now know that it is in times of discomfort that I can learn the most. It is in those moments of total vulnerability where I am radiating a sense of genuine "me" and can't imagine being anyone but myself. I am so grateful for all I have learned in these past four months.

farewell

In less than 24 hours I will be aboard a plane flying home....I'm not sure how to feel right now, it's definitely bittersweet.

monday tuesday fly home?

I have Monday and Tuesday, then we fly home on Wednesday! I can't believe I'm experiencing my "last" of things. My "last" chocolate croissant. My "last" time sitting on the pier. My "last" Sunday morning in South Africa. My "last" time using an internet cafe. It's just weird. I'm starting to panic a little about going home. I can't wait to get home-home, to Seattle, but I'm so overwhelmed thinking about going back to APU. While I have so many friends I am dying to see, I just don't know how I will react to that initial few days full of jet lag and emotions. It will surely be a whirlwind and I will be ready to be in the arms of my parents sitting on my couch! Never knew how much I would miss them!

The past few days have been quick but a blast. I feel like I have done so much in this past week, trying to soak up as much of Capetown as possible. We explored the waterfront, visited Robben Island, took a Peninsula tour and saw the penguin beach, I pierced my nose, and celebrated my twentieth birthday! All in one week? Of course we had some class too....just a little.

Yesterday was a blast getting to have a birthday in Capetown. Carisa and I woke up early to run by the beach like normal, and stop to get our routine coffee at the local bakery. We walked in and I was greeted with a chocolate croissant decorated with "Happy Birthday Hilary" in chocolate. It was sitting on a plate of flower petals and was adorable! ....such a good friend :)

Afterwards a group of us boarded the train to head to Woodstock, an up and coming art district. We went to a fun Saturday market and ate the most delicious food. It was unreal, a tent full of local vendors with tons of organic cheeses, pesto, meats, baked goods, smoothies, bread, flat-bread pizzas, falafel, crepes, etc. I was on sensory overload and excitement. All of us loved eating our way through the market and then checking out the clothing, jewelry, and art.

Last night we headed to Cape to Cuba, a local restaurant on the beach of Kalk Bay, to try out the desert and appetizers. It was a really cool place and we had a blast!

Today we left the university and are staying at the Lady Hamilton hotel in downtown Capetown for the next 3 nights. We have some presentations (which I'm procrastinating on) and a bit of class before we board our flights home. Time flies!

grandma, dont freak out

...BUT I GOT MY NOSE PIERCED!!!

Look closely and you will see the tiny blue stud in my right nostril.

I love it!

the final days

Since I last wrote I had my final weekend with Lucy and Clive. This exhausting experience ended up being a wonderful and challenging one filled with hilarious memories I don't think I can ever erase from my memory. I will always remember listening to Lucy's stories, how Clive had to walk us to the church, the delicious food she made, playing cards with her grandson, Lucy and Clive's "arguments" and jokes, pushing the car at 6:45am, and watching TV two feet from the screen. These are moments from these last nine days I never want to forget.

Here are some memories from this last weekend:

Friday we had class in the morning and then got to explore Kalk Bay a bit more. Kalk Bay is the beautiful bay our institute is located on. I have already developed an addiction to the coffee from Olympia Cafe, a wonderful coffee shop and bakery down the road that has a gorgeous view of the Atlantic Ocean. There is a great harbor that houses brightly colored fishing boats and their fishermen. After our afternoon of exploration we headed home to eat dinner and rush to Kim and Andre's house (Lucy's daughter and son-in-law). We wanted to play cards with their 13-year-old son, Pedro, who only has 20% vision but makes up for his vision loss with his incredible intellect and confidence. He was initially shy but you can tell he knows who he is and is proud of himself despite his disability. We had been warned that Pedro was unbeatable in Uno, so we decided to put him up to the challenge and see if we could beat him. Sure enough with my luck I won! He also taught us Rummy and we played with Lucy. It was hilarious. Rummy is the game Lucy and Clive play with all their friends everynight until midnight. I figured I wouldn't stand a chance but when I won the first game with beginner's luck she was all bent out of shape and determined to beat me! That night was a blast and wonderful to spend time with her family. It's great to be able to reference her family members in later conversation with Lucy and truly be engaged and immersed in their family-life.

Saturday was an early morning as we were headed up Table Mountain that morning. The hike is incredibly difficult (and with asthma, impossible) so some of us decided to ride the rotating cable car up the mountain and wait for the hikers as we gazed out at the gorgeous view. You could see Robben Island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, just off shore from the clear blue water neighboring the white sandy beaches. I also watched some people repel down the side of the mountain, which to be honest looked scarier than bungy jumping! That afternoon I explored the Green Street Market in downtown Capetown with Carisa and Logan. We bought some souvenirs and had a wonderful dinner together. It was so fun to be out on the town by ourselves and have a chance to explore with some freedom. The Green Street Market reminded me of a flea market in Europe as did the surrounding buildings detailed with the finest architecture. It was a great night.

Sunday morning Carisa and I woke up at 6am in order to catch the train downtown to go to Hillsong. We were going to leave at 6:45 to pick up our friends who were staying on the other side of Ocean View. On our way to pick them up Lucy's car ran out of gas. Funny thing is when it happened she said, "I knew that was going to happen!" Ah, then why did you not fill it with gas? Ha, oh Lucy. So Carisa and I get out of the car, in the dark, and start pushing it in our church clothes to her sister's house so we can use her car instead. After that lovely process we were finally able to pick up our friends and head to the train station. After an hour ride to the waterfront we met up with some other APU friends and headed to church together. It was a great service, I really enjoyed some familiarity in my church experience. I've had so many diverse Sunday mornings here that ending with a similar feel to my home church was wonderful. That afternoon was our last one with our families so we shared lunch with them and were able to thank them for opening their home and hearts to us. Lucy gave us some jewelry and stationary as going-away presents. I was also able to switch some money with Clive. I gave him an American dollar in exchange for some old-fashioned Rand. He gave us some pieces that aren't made or accepted anymore, which was really neat. He and Lucy fought over the dollar bill and I told them to frame it and hang it on their wall of fame. :) We then made our way to the church for the switch and were officially entering our last full week of the semester. How strange, it doesn't even seem real.

As tiring as this last week was, I was able to learn a lot about Clive and Lucy's lives and how there are so many wonderful people here who I am so thankful for my opportunity to meet them. It has hit me recently that I will be going home to continue with my life while these people will still be here doing their daily tasks and dealing with the same personal issues they kindly invited me to witness and experience. They so vulnerably and generously opened their lives and home to me and honestly treated me like their third daughter. I don't want to forget my time with them and how we grew together in such a short period of time. It was so wonderful to eventually be able to joke with Clive and Lucy and relate on a more personal level. It's nice to know we have a place to stay next time I'm in Capetown.

lucy, im home

Meet Lucy and Clive Fransman, my host parents. Both around the age of 58, they are full of personality and have more than enough to say. Well, at least Lucy does. Lucy loves to share personal stories regarding their families’ health, marriages, and heritage. Most of the time Clive attempts to add to the stories, but Lucy’s excitement (and voice quickly after) takes over and she ends up repeating everything Clive had mentioned, only louder. This is what occurred the first night we met them. Nonetheless, they are two wonderful people who treat us like family rather than guests.

Friday night we first met our families together at the local church in Oceanview, a modernized Township of 30,000. After an evening of dance performances, songs, and dinner, we headed “home” with our new families. Lucy and Clive helped us load our luggage into their sedan and drive down the street to their house. When I closed the door in the car, I heard something fall to the ground. Lucy said don’t worry, it happens all the time. I wasn’t sure what had fallen so I left it, only to find out the next morning what had really happened. Again when I shut the door, something fell to the ground. This time I realized it was the hard plastic part of the door handle. Lucy quickly corrected me that it was the “ashtray” that I had been sticking my fingers into. Cultural difference #19823: Car door handles have dual purposes.

Anyways, back to Friday night. We pulled up to their row house and entered into our life for the next 9 days. Their house is very small with limited windows. I have actually begun to get claustrophobic without the sunlight, but the simple solution is to just go outside. There is a small living area used as the office, living room, dining room, and is home to the gigantic “wall of fame” as Lucy calls it. There are more than 20 framed pictures of family members from all eras placed rather randomly on this yellow-painted brick wall. Remaining downstairs is the bathroom and kitchen. The bathroom was a bit of a shocker, no shower. I’ve always liked baths, really, but I just can’t get myself to climb into a ceramic bath after two strangers have just used it. Another shock was when I was bent over the bathtub while washing my face (no sink either) and a large measuring cup filled with at least three pairs of teeth greeted me “Good Night”.

The kitchen is small but quaint, and there is a special cupboard jam-packed full of “luxuries” (chocolate, chips, marshmallows, etc) handpicked by Lucy just for Carisa and I. We are NEVER underfed; in fact most nights we go to bed having the urge to throw up after all we had been given to eat that day. It doesn’t matter how many times we appreciatively decline the offered food, they find a way to make us end up eating it. Up a small, steep set of stairs lays Lucy and Clive’s bedroom that they generously gave up for us to use for the week. Some of my favorite parts of the room include the metal baseball bat lying next to the door, the glow-in-the-dark rosary hanging on the wall, and the three wooden armoires lined up side-by-side.

So we finally sat down after putting our suitcases in our room and had the chance to chat with Clive and Lucy. This conversation grew into a three-hour explanation of the deaths and illnesses in their family. Carisa and I were so exhausted and just wanted to go to bed but put every ounce of effort into engaging in the conversation. It was tough. This conversation even continued to the next morning with breakfast. It was so heavy and depressing, I wasn’t sure how I was going to last for the next 9 days. Nonetheless, Lucy had different plans for that Saturday.

We headed to Dean’s (her great-nephew) 1-year-old birthday party at Lucy’s “rich” sister’s house. We were greeted with many new faces and big bowls of food. Carisa and I managed to mingle a fair amount and then retreat to a room with American Idol on TV. That was the first American TV we have seen since we left the States! This “party” ended up dragging on from 11am until 5:30pm. We were exhausted. Lucy insisted on taking us to the grocery store to pick out some vegetarian patties. Yes, I am guilty of saying I am a vegetarian here but after seeing sheep heads cut in half and being hospitalized for an unknown reason, I’m a little sheepish around meat now. Kindly, Lucy bought many veggie patties and pieces of fruit for our weak stomachs.

Sunday morning we had the opportunity to attend Lucy and Clive’s Catholic Church mass with them. That was an experience in itself. After the service Lucy grabbed us by the hand and introduced us to all her friends and family, including the Priests and Bishops who asked if we had enjoyed the service. “Of course we did!” After church they took us to buy some hot “Cook Ladies,” these delicious donuts covered in coconut. Shortly after that we were given a huge spread of wonderful salad’s and veggie patties for lunch. After spending the afternoon reading, napping, and relaxing, Lucy took us to her daughter, Kim’s house to use her internet and meet her husband, Andre. They also have two wonderful sons, Pedro and Kieran, who are Lucy’s favorite grandkids, which she talks about all the time. Kim is much quieter than her mother but shares her love to feed guests. Despite our “no thank-you’s,” Kim served us each a piece of chocolate cake. Who has chocolate cake just lying around, begging to be eaten? After choking the cake down (almost in tears due to full stomach’s) we really enjoyed talking with Kim and Andre, two ambulance drivers who are much easier to relate and talk to. Our conversation was quickly ended when Lucy insisted she must get us home to cook dinner. Like I said, we never go unfed.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have been days with much more routine to them as our classes and excursions began. I have never been more thankful for a few hours of class and seeing my other classmates. The students who are at the homestays meet at a local church to catch a taxi to school, which is about 15 minutes away. Although our house is less than a five-minute walk from the church, Lucy insists on walking us to and from the taxi-stop. It’s hilarious. I am back in 5th grade where I must phone home to tell my parents when I’ll be home from school, take a snack from “mom” for the school day, and get picked up on foot at the end of each day.

Monday we had the opportunity to visit a modern art museum and a historical museum in downtown Capetown and spend time exploring the beautiful waterfront section of the city. That was our first chance to see the city and it was a blast having a few hours of freedom! Tuesday we had class and then went to some of the cute boutiques along the waterfront by the university. There are great restaurants, cafes, and shops within walking distance of school; it’s a blessing and a curse! Wednesday we toured a local Township, Langa. It was very interesting to see another Township in a different city and compare it to what I have experienced in Pietermaritzburg and Johannesburg. In Langa there can be two families living in a large shipping crate with two doors in it. No windows, hardly any space and room. It was so different from what I had previously seen.

That’s the jist of my life over the past week. I am so exhausted and frankly, really ready to come home. It’s hard being in such a foreign place where you always have to be upbeat and ceaselessly express your appreciation. Everyday my head hits the pillow and my whole body just feels exhausted and drained. I look forward to moving into the Bible Institute this coming Sunday where I will have a bit more freedom and opportunities to explore the beautiful city of Capetown! I leave for home in less than 2 weeks now and can’t believe this 4-month adventure is coming to an end…

capetown

We have finally arrived to Capetown! We completed our 5-day roadtrip this afternoon when we pulled up to the hotel in downtown Capetown. It feels great to finally be at our destination after 5 long days of driving and adrenlin-sucking events. We will stay the night here and then move into our orientation tomorrow morning. There we will find out if I spend the next couple weeks in homestays or at the Bibile Institute. It's a little strange not finding out where I will be living until the day I move in, but I guess that's just another adventure here!
Yesterday was a nice relaxing day after bungy jumping but we all felt the exhaustion after working up the energy to jump of a bridge. We started off our morning with a trip to the local ostrich farm. There we learned the interesting(?) facts about ostrich feathers and organs. We also got to feed ostriches which I found out are terrifying animals that resemble dinosaurs. We had the opportunity to ride ostriches too! I had wanted to before I actually saw the animals and quickly gave up that idea. Some of my friends got to ride the filthy birds and it was hilarious to watch!
After the ostrich farm we went to tour the Cango Caves. These caves are one of the 7 natural wonders of South Africa. With my claustrophobia I chose to stick with the normal walking cave tour as opposed to the "adventure" option a lot of my friends chose. I decided sliding through tiny crevices in the dark wasn't my idea of fun. It was beautiful, a little repetitive, but nonetheless fun. That night we mostly rested and played bananagrams (my new favorite game! birthday gift idea mom!)
Today we got some time to explore Long Street in Capetown and there were so many fun shops that reminded me of home. I could just see myself shopping with mom in all the fun boutiques!
My time's up at the internet cafe but I will update as soon as I can! Just under 3 weeks until I leave for the states. This is unbelievable!

3-2-1-BUNGY!

The bridge (216m, 648ft)

My jump!

This will be very brief because the internet is limited. This morning I went bungy jumping off the tallest bridge in the world for bungy jumping (216m)!
We arrived to the bridge and had to walk across this rickety walkway to the jump site. Once there they debriefed us on how the next hour would go and then began to blast loud dance music to pump us up! While dancing, none of us knew the order of our jumps. All of a sudden I was tapped on my shoulder, "Hilary?" I quietly and timidly replied, "....yes?" I was 5th out of our whole group to leap (or get slightly pushed) off of that platform. The first few seconds I don't think I remembered to breathe, but I was just free-falling for hundreds of feet. Next I felt the line begin to pull tight around my ankles and I bounced up again. This time I bounced up so my body was completely vertical. At that moment all I could think was, "CRAP! This is gonna hurt!" But when I jerked back upside down it didn't hurt. I then bounced a few more times, staying upside down. I felt the blood rush to my head as I stared out at the ocean. It was beautiful! I waited eagerly for one of the workers to come down on a rope to attach me to his line and pull us up together. I don't know what he said to me but all I remembered was "Don't touch him!" (I had been warned before jumping). If I grabbed him I could get him unbalanced. Anyways, I finally touched back onto the bridge and wanted to kiss the cement! This is something I will never forget, never regret, and never do again!

frames

Here are some frames from the safari and Zulu village:

A couple of the animals on the safari

The family of 3 cheetah we saw

Our shower

View from the huts

Our lovely homes for 3 days

unexpected adventures

Wow, it has been one heck of a week! We left for our safari and Zulu experience bright and early at 5:30am on Monday morning. We loaded the vans then started the five and a half hour drive to the game reserve. Our group of 52 split into two groups: the first group went to the safari from Mon-Wed and the second group went to the Zulu village during that time. On Wednesday we switched locations. Our group's safari vehicles were not ready for us at such an early hour on Monday so we got to drive through another game reserve,Umfolozi, in our busses. It was a great start to our adventures! We saw many zebra, giraffe, rhino, elephant, impala, and inyala. We got really close to many of the animals so I was able to get some great shots! After a few hours there we drove another hour and a half to our official game reserve, Mkuze. (Fun fact: My Zulu professor grew up on this game reserve). Here we rode in open air safari vehicles and splashed through the mud puddles down the bumpy dirt roads. It was a total blast! I think it was the first time this semester I have truly allowed myself to fully relax, I even fell asleep on some of the treks. Here we saw buffalo, wildabeast, tons of inyala and impala, giraffes, scorpions, hippo, zebra, warthog (pumba!), baboon, jackel, female kudu, tortoise, and dung beetle. Our truck also passed by a tree where we spotted the kill of a leopard hanging and possibly the leopard eating it. It was quite far away and difficult to distinguish but most of us would like to believe we saw a leopard! On Wednesday morning we left at 5am for another park that is known for its lions. Unfortunately we didn't see any lions but riding around in the vehicles with no roofs, no windows, was a total blast! We also saw three cheetah there. We got within 25 feet of two brothers and their sister who were stalking some impala to eat for breakfast. It was such a cool experience.

At Mkuze we lived in the middle of the game reserve in an unfenced campground. We stayed in wood bungalow's with metal mesh as window's to keep out the bugs. These three days we spent in great company filled with good conversation, laughter, games, and adventures. It was one of my favorite times so far in South Africa.

Wednesday afternoon we were supposed to have lunch with the other group and exchange experiences before we switched vans. Unfortunately, many of the people in the other group had gotten really sick from something at the Zulu tribe. Five people were hospitalized and by the end of the week 20 out of their group of 27 had gotten sick. Our group was a little leery to go to the tribe but nonetheless we headed out to buy bottled water and snacks and drove on the narrow roads to the village. We arrived to our little village, complete with a family hug made out of brick, a kitchen, and six mud huts for us to live in. I lived with five other girls and we had a gorgeous view of the rolling hills and turquoise huts spotting the hills. Our hut was made of mud bricks and the floor of cow dung. Luckily we slept on bunk beds that were quite comfortable.

The showers were made up of a metal bucket with a nozzle inside of a wooden frame with a tarp flap dividing the entire valley from you. During my shower I had a great view of the green hills! In order to shower it was quite the process. First you heated up water over the fire, then mixed that water with cooler water, then filled the metal bucket, hoisted the bucket over your head with a pulley system, secured the rope, and then let the tiny trickle attempt to wash you clean! Let's just say I wasn't the cleanest I've ever been during that week. The bathrooms were another adventure. To simply put it, there was a slab of concrete with a hole cut out of it with cinder blocks creating steps up to the hole. It was nasty. This was all in a wooden frame with two stalls and tarp flaps acting as doors. It was so weird being able to carry on a conversation with my male friends while squatting over a hole. Definitely an experience I will never forget, and would probably never like to experience again.

Anyways, the first night we were greeted with dinner and some Zulu dancing. A group of dancers came to show us their great voices and high kicks. They even pulled a few of us up to practice our kicks. For some reason mine weren't as high and powerful as theirs. That night I fell fast asleep by 10pm since we had woken up at 4:30am! The next morning we woke for tea and breakfast by the fire before a long hike over one of the neighboring mountains. We trekked through the forest and met the local medicine man who uses nature to create remedies for illness and wounds. It was interesting but to be honest the heat and exhaustion was setting in so my interest level was decreasing. After the medicine man we met a group of women who had created some beadwork to sell. They also showed some of us how to create some of the patterns. After spending time there we began our journey back down the mountain in time for lunch. That afternoon we learned how to throw spears, shoot slingshots, and stick fight. It was fun to learn their defense techniques. That was all we had planned until dinner so many of us napped and sat around the fire in discussion. That night was my favorite out of the two. I sat with beautiful stars falling into my lap (I saw the Southern cross!), listening to children sing Zulu praise songs, with the glow of the fire as our only source of light. It was such a beautiful moment. I have been trying to soak up as many once-in-a-lifetime moments as possible since my time here is quickly dwindling. I will never forget the feeling of warmth I experienced and the smile that grew across my face as I sat there.

Friday morning we worked on mudding a hut and just relaxed until it was time to head back to AE. It had been a long and exhausting week but a total blast with great memories. Last night I started feeling ill and when I went to bed I was sure I would wake up sick. Of course my prediction came true and I woke up severely sick and had to go to the hospital for an IV and some antibiotics. I had caught whatever it was that had infected the other group. We tried to figure out what the cause was but haven't been able to narrow it down. I talked with my Zulu professor tonight at our farewell dinner and she mentioned that you can get sick just from absorbing dirty water into your skin. I thought that was very interesting since all of us had taken showers and washed our hands in their unsuitable water. Anyways, I rested all day today besides slowly packing up my room and have been feeling better. We load the bus tomorrow morning at 7am though and I am not sure my body's ready to handle nine and a half hours of driving tomorrow. I am praying I can sleep for the majority of it. People also keep getting sick so I'm praying the illness will stop for our weeklong roadtrip to Capetown!

This week was quite the adventure and I'm sure next week will be filled with just as many, just maybe fewer unexpected adventures that end in hospital visits! I will hopefully be able to blog next weekend when we arrive in Capetown but the internet is unreliable there, so my updates will be a bit more sporadic! Until then....Sala Kahle.

a glance forward

Here's a quick look at how the next few weeks are shaping up:

-2 final exams (in 45 minutes!)

-1 Sharks rugby game to celebrate (tonight!)

-Easter Sunday

-Safari (5th-7th)

-Zulu tribe experience (7th-9th)

-Farewell from AE (10th)

-Road trip to Capetown (11th-16th)

-Bungee jumping

-Cave exploration

-1.5 weeks in Capetown (sometime from 16th-May 2nd)

-Shark cage diving

-Petting cheetas

-Hiking Table Mountain

-Other explorations

-History class

-1.5 weeks homestays in Capetown (sometime from 16th-May 2nd)

-Group debriefing (May 2nd-5th)

-Then HOME! (May 6th)

It has been a whirlwind of a trip and I can't believe I have barely more than a month left here! But the list of things to come is incredibly exciting. From here on out my internet will be very inconsistent, just FYI. But don't worry, Mom, Dad, I will find a way to call! :)

World's highest bungee, HERE I COME!!

day seven (WITL)

One word to describe today: JOY
What a last day. I tried to gear up mentally, emotionally, and physically for our last day at Walk in the Light. I knew it was going to be a long day, especially since we decided to arrive earlier and leave later in order to give our last efforts to Mandla’s house. In the morning we started out with a message from Tanya and with our favorite Zulu songs. Our spirits were high and it was fun to dance, laugh, and sing before a day’s work.
We then gathered our supplies and headed off to start building. The walk between WITL and Mandla’s house has become one of my favorite parts of the day. It takes maybe 10 minutes, and despite the fact that most times I am trekking with bundles of branches or poles on my shoulders, I love the walk into Haniville. These walks give me time to think to myself and really pay attention to my surroundings, have great conversations with friends, or hold hands with my new little friends. Many of these walks are filled with anticipation. Whether it’s anticipation to start a new days work or anticipation for lunchtime, I love the feeling of wondering what exactly lies at the other end of my short journey. Although I leave Mandla’s house every afternoon knowing exactly what progress we made that day, I love seeing it for the first time the next morning, proud of what has been done, yet anxious to continue. Another feeling I experience on these walks is satisfaction. The days at WITL are so draining but incredibly satisfying. Knowing my hands have gotten dirty to benefit someone else is a wonderful feeling. To feel the ache in my back as I walk down the dirt path for the last time that day is something I wouldn’t trade for the world, knowing my back aches because I cleared land to bless a man with a home.
Today our goal was basically to get as far as possible on Mandla’s house. We knew that what didn’t get finished will be completed by some of the Sr. Youth boys who live in the neighborhood and have been helping us with the house all week. It was comforting knowing they would be there to complete it, but all of us really wanted to finish the project we began. I think because of that mindset and the cooler temperatures we were able to finish a ton of work today. We didn’t finish the whole house, but the amount of work that did get completed was unreal and we were all very happy with the progress. It now looks and feels like a home! It rained in the morning, and that was fine because we got the roof on! There are windows in the walls, a doorway, and we began mudding the walls. That was the fun project of the day. Similar to stomping grapes for wine, in Africa you stomp mud to build houses. By the end of working from 9:30-5:15, we were literally covered head-to-toe in mud. I sort of feel like we took more of it home on our bodies than what ended up on the walls, but somehow the job got done! Once the walls are filled with rocks, you take the thick mud (not too watery, not too dry, juuuust right) and throw/slap it onto the walls. It was so fun! Especially when a friend is standing on the other side of the wall and the mud you throw goes through a crack and lands in her mouth! Sorry Lauren ☺ Anyways, we all had a blast. I did end up with bruised and cut bottoms of my feet, but limping is always fun.
In the afternoon I stayed back for a couple hours to play with the Jr. Youth. Of course I sat with my love who I found out is named Andiswa. All of my peers who I stayed back with decided to leave WITL at 4 so I was left with all the kids. Luckily two guys from Sr. Youth (who have been working on the house with us) were there too and hung out with me. Sihle and Snash even walked back to the house with me. It was so wonderful getting to talk with them. Snash turns 21 in May and Sihle turns 20 in April. They are both so kind to the kids, to the point where I am always asking, “Is that your sister or brother?” They seriously treat each kid like they were his sibling. Anyways, I found out that Andiswa is actually Sihle’s cousin’s daughter. That made me feel better since I always seem to find this 3-year-old wandering the streets of Haniville alone. Snash is in his first year of college and Sihle has not been back to school since matriculation (high school graduation). He worked at KFC for a year but now doesn’t work. I asked them both about their siblings and home life. Unfortunately I discovered that Sihle’s parents are both deceased. Reality hit me right then that this is life for these boys who are my age. This is their life and they are allowing me to enter into their realities and be exposed to how harsh the contrast is between our lives. Although there is a long list of differences between us, I then thought about how easy it was for us to talk and to joke around with each other. I recognize that our situations are incredibly different and they have lived through far more than I could ever imagine, but we are so similar in many ways as well. When we arrived to the house we were able to laugh and throw mud on each other, as if we had known one another for months. That was a conversation and afternoon that I really value.
After finishing our work at the house, Bruce had us head back to WITL for a special communion service he had set up across the street. We pulled up to this beautiful field dotted with trees and a gorgeous view of Pietermaritzburg. He talked about loving our neighbors and sacrificing ourselves. We then had a few moments to personally reflect on our last few weeks and pray over Haniville and all that we have witnessed. I stared out over the city and captured the lights of PMB in my brain. This is a city I truly do not want to forget anything about. I thought of the people I have met in Haniville, each individual story that is filled with not only heartbreak, but also a sense of comfort and joy knowing God is somewhere in that story. This is a township drowning in disease, poverty, and sadness, but I can sense the powerful healing hand of God. Each smile I witnessed, I wholeheartedly believe was placed on their face by the Lord. There is nothing of this world that could help people recover and find light in the darkness. If I learned one thing from this experience, I have learned that it has to be God. It has to be. No one else. I have to remember that even when I left Haniville tonight, it is still in God’s hands. I don’t have to witness the results of my work, I am satisfied knowing a tiny seed might have been planted and it’s up to the Lord to see how it is harvested. Somehow I am at peace with that. I took my final walk tonight with a sense of anticipation at what great things God can do, and with satisfaction knowing I might not ever know exactly what those things are.

Starting to make mud!

Patting the mud into the walls

One of the walls. It was a long process

The kids waving goodbye

The view from the communion site

day six (WITL)

Today was a scorching hot day filled with sweat, love, and nail polish. We started out the day working at Mandla's house. In order to finish the foundation of the walls we needed to carry a lot of materials to the site. I made at least 5 trips back and forth, carrying bamboo-like poles. These poles are attached to the outside of the wire mesh on the walls to help keep the walls strong. We then filled with walls with the remaining rubble and rocks. It was such a long process, that was slowed down by the huge language barrier we share with Michael, the project coordinator. He doesn't speak a drop of English, making it very hard for him to explain what projects need to be accomplished. To make it a little more complicated, his stubbornness and desire to be involved in every step of the process makes it take a little longer. Try building a house by yourself. That's sort of what it's like and it ain't easy! There are so many of us just waiting to be put to work so it can be frustrating at times. Luckily we were able to implement many assembly-lines to get tasks done quicker and involve more people.

I made a new friend yesterday, and today our relationship was deepened. My new friend (whose name is still incomprehensible due to the quiet jibberish she mumbles) hung out with me all day. This 3-year-old cutie has a precious smile that shines despite the sore she has on her eye. She pointed to her wounds today almost as if she was asking for help. I was sorry I couldn't help her with something that was so obviously painful. Nonetheless, she was always in my arms or holding my hand today. She walked with me to carry supplies to the site, handed me rocks in the assembly line, and even fell asleep with her head buried in my neck. Eventually she began calling me "mama" and was content just being carried in my arms from task to task. When it came time for lunch, I handed her off to a friend. I said goodbye and began walking back to WITL. My friend Allie called out my name and pointed to my little love who had wiggled out of Allie's arms to follow me to WITL. We intertwined our fingers and headed to lunch together. Lunch buddies. I like that. Her loyalty never ceased, she even waited on my chair patiently for me to go get my lunch in the house. I came out and there she was sitting there with a big smile on her face. She sat on my lap contently as we shared a peanut butter and jelly sandwich under the shade of a tree. That is a memory I will never forget.

In the afternoon I stayed back at WITL and helped out with the gogo's. We painted their nails (Katie painted 18 women's nails "Cherry Red" in record time!), played card games, and had them paint a large barrel outside with their handprints. It was our last time with the gogo's, so we took a group picture and hugged them goodbye. It is really starting to set in that tomorrow is our last day. It is crazy to think about. Our adventures are coming to a close but just starting too! Playing with the kids today and becoming more and more attached to them caused me to recognize how difficult it will be to leave. What a wonderful chapter in my life that I never want to lose.

siyahamba

Siyahamba, ekukanyen' kwenkos',

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos',

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

Siyahamba, siyahamba, oh,

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

Siyahamba, siyahamba, oh,

Siyahamba ekukanyen' kwenkos'.

We are marching in the light of God,

We are marching in the light of God.

We are marching in the light of God,

We are marching in the light of God.

We are marching, marching, we are marching,

We are marching in the light of God.

We are marching, marching, we are marching,

We are marching in the light of God.

(Video of Siyahamba to hear the tune)

This is a Zulu song we sing with the kids and gogo's. I am marching back to WITL with my new little love-bug in the picture. She called me "mama" all day and never left my side.

day five (WITL)

*Posted a day late

This morning we headed back to Walk in the Light to continue working on Mandla's house. Mandla had mentioned that he wants a veranda attached to his house, so we cleared the land away to make room for that. We also began putting metal mesh along the poles of the house. It is really beginning to look like a house! To make the walls, we first create a hallow wall out of mesh and then fill the hole with big rocks and pieces of rubble. Next we will create the mud/cement bricks to build the actual walls of the house. We had to find the pieces of rubble laying around the site, so I recruited some neighborhood kids to help me hunt for pieces. It was hilarious, eventually I had at least 10 kids following me in a single file line carrying big pieces of rock and cement blocks. People in my group kept on cracking up and saying it was child labor. The kids loved it though, we sang songs and held hands on the way to finding the rocks, and then sang while carrying them back! It was very efficient too! :) After collecting the rubble I sat in the shade with some of the kids and let them draw in my journal and all over my arms (Kaila's idea that sounded fun in the beginning). I ended up having two tattooed arms, hands, and the beginning of one leg. I am seriously in love with these kids though, it will be so hard to leave them on Wednesday, our last day at WITL. I have seen a sense of selflessness and love in them that I have never seen before. For instance, this afternoon I was standing with one little girl in front of me. I had been itching a bug bite on the side of my knee. Eventually I stopped itching it, but then all of a sudden I feel little fingers itching it for me. She had casually reached over and started itching my bug bite for me! She looked up at me with a huge grin which melted my heart. It was too funny.

In the afternoon half of us stayed at Mandla's house while half of us went back to WITL to do some smaller projects. I stayed at WITL and created a pile of bricks to be used at Mandla's house. We had a nice assembly line going with some of the kids. Afterwards I sorted clothing and created outfits out of the donated clothes with Katie, Cindy, and Emily. We bagged each outfit and they will later be distributed among the people of Haniville. I loved doing the outfits! My mom and I love looking at baby/toddler clothing...so I thought of her as I paired tiny pants with tiny shirts. Some of the sweaters and hats were even knitted by the gogo's who come to WITL. It was strange pairing heavy jackets and sweaters with sweatpants when it's 90 degrees outside. I have to remember that their winters get very cold and their houses have very little insulation (if any). I can already see the weather starting to turn colder in the evenings. We are now in their Autumn season and they are preparing for winter. Doesn't really feel too much like Fall during the day though! It has been so hot that you can literally feel your whole body cool down the minute a cloud covers the sun. It's a wonderful feeling that doesn't occur that often. It's amazing though, some of these kids who were helping us work were wearing turtle-necks and sweatpants. Bug bite girl even had a jacket on over! I could see the beads of sweat dripping down her face. Nonetheless, they wanted to help wholeheartedly and didn't let the heat interfere.

I was talking the other day with some people about how when I enter into Haniville or similar townships, I feel like I have stepped back in time. From the style of houses to the dated toys the kids play with to the lack of organization, I feel like I have entered into a time machine and gone back to the 1920's. It is interesting because this is all these people know. Many of them have never left Haniville before, or been more than 60 miles from their home. Life is so simple for them, yet so complicated. Simple in the fact that they eat to survive, play to pass time, and walk to get to work rather than exercise. Complicated in the fact that disease is rampant, water might not be drinkable, and death is a reality they face everyday. It's a life I cannot even begin to identify with. Since tomorrow is our last day serving, I know I will go back home to my old life. I know I will go back to comfort and the ability to eat when I'm hungry, drink when I'm thirsty, and buy clothes when I have the desire. I am leaving with my eyes opened to so much, but sometimes I just don't know what to do with it. As much as I would like to say I'm going to give up my morning lattes, or stop buying clothing because I have finally seen what truly is important in life, I know those practices won't last long. My hope is that I will be able to take this experience as a tool that can impact my life and alter my lifestyle but not change my identity entirely. I want it to shape me and mold me, but not ruin me. It is so easy to feel guilty about what I have been blessed with. But that is exactly what it is, a blessing. If I have been given money and comfort, the least I can do is be educated on the realities of this world and bring my knowledge back and spread a sense of gratefulness, generosity, and humility. I want to learn to truly appreciate what I have been given. I don't think the only way to appreciate it is to purge yourself of those blessings, I think you can appreciate them by using them. Use the money I have been given, take advantage of the opportunities I have been granted. Why let them waste away or fall into the wrong hands?

I have so much to process and these are just the beginning thoughts I have had. I know it will take me a lifetime to truly understand what I have seen here and what lessons I have been taught, whether directly or indirectly. All I really know for now, is I am seriously blessed.

day four- back to bonginkosi

Today was a day of closure. The group of 5 Bonginkosi students loaded up the bakkie (one of the trucks here) and headed back to the preschool to deliver some materials and say our official goodbyes. When we pulled up the kids immediately started screaming and running to jump into our arms. Welcome back. Zodwa hugged us and said how much she had missed us. I have to admit, it was nice to be missed.

Our group had some gifts to give to them as a thank you. We made the teachers each a packet of song lyrics, dance and game instructions, and Bible verses. We also included 3 cd's of children's songs for them to play and teach the kids new songs. Lastly, we wrote them a letter thanking them for their hard work at the school and for allowing us to come. We want them to know we appreciate them and are not leaving on negative terms. We also had printed out the 90 school pictures for the kids to take home to their parents. Included was a little packet of song lyrics and the alphabet for the parents to practice with their kids. When the kids received their pictures, it was like Christmas day! Most of the kids have probably never seen a picture of themselves before. When we pulled their picture out and told them, "Look it's you!" their faces lit up with the biggest grins I have yet to see them bare. It felt great to be able to give them that gift. Such a simple act that means so much to them.

After handing out the pictures we played with the kids for a bit. Since leaving the preschool for the week and then coming back this one day, I realized just how much patience God granted me for the last 2 weeks we spent at the preschool. Today was so challenging just being there for 45 minutes. Every kid wanting to jump on my back or have me lift them up lowered the small amount of patience I had. Coming back today definitely was the perfect closure and reminded me of how thankful I am to be at WITL now. We said our goodbyes and gave hugs to the kids, Zodwa, Auntie, Gogo, and the rest of the staff. When we pulled away in the car, the kids were all pressed up against the chain link fence waving and yelling "Hamba kahle!" (Go well!). When driving away from Bonginkosi, we have to pull a U-y and pass back by the school. When we did today, it seemed like every kid was still standing against the fence waving goodbye from across the street. I'll admit, I did get a little teary thinking of the beautiful faces we were leaving behind, yet I know that chapter of my life is complete.

snapshots

Walk in the Light: Hamba Ekukanyeni

The main chapel building.

Meet Mandla.

This is where we are building his house.

In front of his old house.

This is his house now.

It's falling apart. When it rains, it literally melts.

I made some friends today.

One friend even helped me carry the wood supplies back to WITL.

When taking the gogo's portraits,

Katie and I had a little fun of our own.

day two & three (WITL)

Yesterday we finished clearing the ground for Mandla's house. We made huge progress clearing the grass and lowered the ground by about two feet. It was incredibly tiring work but the ground was finally ready to start building on! I woke up this morning feeling all the work I had done in my back. When I got in "shovel position" my back started screaming at me! In the afternoon we had the Jr. Youth program. Tons of kids age 6-13 (no toddlers! yay!) showed up. We taught them the story of Noah's Ark and had them make masks of their favorite animals. We then sang a fun song with them about the story. Afterwards we played games with them, I made a few new friends. It was so nice because a lot of the kids speak at least a little English and can communicate far easier than the kids at Bonginkosi. It was a tiring day but great!

Today we all went to Mandla's house to begin building the structure. It is sort of a tedious process in the beginning but really interesting to be building a house using the locals' techniques. While Michael made the measurements I visited Mandla. I had taken a picture of what progress we made yesterday and showed it to him so he could see what it looked like outside his window! It's just unimaginable to know there is a new house being built for you right outside, yet he can't get up and see the progress or help out in the building. He loved it and kept asking questions about the house. He would like the house to have a veranda :) Today I was thinking about how Mandla is exercising so much humility by allowing us to build him a house. Sure, he obviously really needs one, but I'm not sure I would have the easiest time allowing strangers to give me the gift of a house for nothing in return. My pride and stubbornness would discourage me from receiving that type of gift. I am so thankful he will let us give him a tiny part of our time and care.

While the building began, there were too many people in one place so I decided to go play with some of the kids. It started out with 5 and quickly grew to about 20-25 when school got out early. Their 2 week vacation has begun! So we had many little helpers and forms of entertainment around the building site. When it came time to pack up one of my new friends actually helped me carry a long plank of wood back to WITL. They are wonderful.

After we scarfed down lunch we prepared for the gogo's to come for their portraits to be taken. We have been doing a photo ministry where we take family portraits and print them out for them to hang in their houses. A lot of people here have very few or no family photos. On Tuesday we told the gogo's to dress nicely and bring their family this afternoon for their pictures to be taken. Many showed up in their nicest clothes with a few family members. It was so great to be able to give them the chance to have a cherished picture of their loved ones. I hope they enjoyed having their pictures taken as much as I enjoyed helping take them.

Today was incredibly long and exhausting but every time I walk down the stairs to my chalet after days like this, it's the good kind of exhaustion.

day one (WITL)

Yesterday was my first day at Walk in the Light ministries. I woke up anxious about having another "first day" of service sites. I was excited to finally be used and to get my hands dirty, mind stretched, and heart broken. I was also a little nervous not really knowing what to expect. Needless to say, my first day was absolutely wonderful. We opened with our daily devotional and songs with Phindile, which helped ease my nerves. We then divided into our groups for the morning. One group would continue working on digging a trench for the irrigation system. WITL sits on a large amount of property, which have been turned into planting fields for subsistence farming. The second group went to begin leveling ground to build a house on in the nearby township, Hanniville. My group went out on home visits. What better way to jump right in, right? I honestly felt like I learned more and had my eyes opened more in those three hours than all six days at Bonginkosi. It was incredible. We visited 9 homes. Here are their stories:

Mandla: Mandla is who we are starting to build a house for. Mandla is HIV positive and has TB. As if that's not enough, months ago he was stabbed in the lower back by his daughter's boyfriend. He is now paralyzed and is restricted to his flimsy 2-inch mattress. He can't even straighten his legs. This man might have a damaged body, but his spirit is alive and pure. He laughed and smiled when we talked of his new house. I attempted some Zulu phrases which brought him a huge, teeth-baring smile. If that isn't motivation for building a house in 5 days, I don't know what is.

Sipho: Sipho is HIV positive and has lived a life marked with devastation. He had a stroke in 2007 which left him incapable of completing his work as a truck driver. He is now jobless and relies on his monthly pension of R1010 (about $140). In 2008 his wife died, leaving him alone in his house. Yet his mother, nieces, and nephews live nearby in Hanniville.

Zandile: Zandile is HIV positive and has recovered from TB. Apparently last year she was so ill she couldn't stand up without the aid of a walking stick. She now walks with strength and carries her son strapped to her back. Zandile has recovered because she consistently took her medicine. Sadly, she has already lost one son (as a baby) due to AIDS. She lives in a beautiful house built by previous APU students with her mother, son, and nephew, who is also HIV positive. We were informed yesterday morning that her nephew is very ill and had been moved to the hospital.

Thandi: Thandi is HIV positive and lives with a house full of children and grandchildren. Her son is also HIV positive, while the rest of her family is healthy. Her house had beautiful rooms that were well decorated. Explainably, she is the creative type. Before her illness she made shoes. Now she enjoys knitting and selling her products. She is so talented, I saw some of the clothing she has made. She is in the process of applying for a pension to help pay for her ARV treatment.

Lucia: Lucia is not HIV positive but has had an unknown disease since 2008. This disease caused her to walk in a 90 degree angle. Initially she was restricted to a wheelchair but she has progressed as a result of her clinic visits. She doesn't let this illness hold her back as she cooks, cleans, and gardens all on her own. She lives with her niece (15) and nephew (16) who attend local secondary schools. She said that seeing us reminded her of her previous job, being a maid. I'm not sure if it was our race or age that reminded her of it.

Sizwe and Londgka: Sizwe and Londgka are both HIV positive and are brother and sister. We met Sizwe in bed as he said he was ill with chest pains and a cough. His story seemed a little inconsistent so when we left Phindile explained the whole story. He has AIDS and TB from time to time but will not admit it to strangers so he makes up stories instead. He will have TB, take his pills and feel better. He then stops taking his pills, starts drinking, smoking, and having sex with multiple women (infecting them). As a result, he gets sick again. Phindile doesn't understand why he doesn't take his medicine. Nor do I.

Bhekumuzi: Bhekumuzi is HIV positive and has recovered from TB. He is such a beautiful young man who unfortunately suffered from a stroke three years ago. He is now restricted to a wheelchair, can't move half of his face, and his speech is incredibly slurred. After talking to him I learned he used to be a builder, but loved to take pictures. He showed me some pictures he keeps in his shirt pocket. It hit me then that his young man can't even hold a camera anymore as a result of this horrible disease. His passions are even limited by this monster. Nonetheless, his smile shined as we took a snapshot of him and promised to return with a copy for him to keep.

Henry and Doinbi: Henry is HIV positive and lives under the care of his mother, Doinbi. Henry is about 35 years old but looks at least 50. He is taking medication but has been plagued with the inability to walk or speak. He has been robbed at his chance to flourish as the teacher he previously was.

Phindile: Our guide welcomed us into her home as our last stop. She is on staff at Walk in the Light and takes the locals of Hanniville to their clinic and hospital appointments. She lives with her son and daughter who are in their teen years. She struggles as a single-mom, deserted by her husband. Her son's prevalent alcohol use is an obvious worry for her as we discussed her family situation. Phindile has a beautiful singing voice that can fill an entire room and send chills down your spine. Her faith is so inspiring.

Our day ended by having a small group lesson with the gogo's who work in the gardens at WITL. They began by singing wonderful Zulu songs and then discussed qualities they like about themselves and others in their community.

Overall it was an absolutely beautiful day and I got just what I wanted: my hands dirty, mind stretched, and heart broken.

waiting

Sometimes I wonder the purpose of everything I am seeing and experiencing here. When will I understand why I was placed at Bonginkosi? When will I grasp each and every lesson I am meant to learn here? When will it all make sense? 2 weeks...2 months...2 years from now? I am finding that I am just going to have to be patient and wait. I hate waiting! As much as I know I need to wait, I don't think I believe it yet. I was talking to a friend, Chelsea, telling her my frustrations about service sites. I was saying how I knew I needed to be faithful and that I would see the purpose later on, but I was just impatient. She told me, "Hilary, I think you know you need to wait, but you don't believe it yet." That caused me to stop and think about how I could not agree more. I know I have already learned a lot of lessons from my recent experiences, but I'm not satisfied and know there has to be a bigger purpose than what I currently see. And with my personality, I want to know it now.

I feel like I've also been waiting to be used. Here I am, an able-bodied 19-year-old who wants to be used and serve with all of my being....yet it's not happening! This has been one of the most frustrating things about waiting. Finally I am finding relief as I start Walk in the Light tomorrow and will hopefully be worn out every night from the productive work being done during the day. Nonetheless, I am trying my best to get more and more comfortable with waiting. It's a slow process but as the purpose is continuously (and slowly!) revealed, I am confident that day will come!

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

day six

Yesterday I woke up feeling even worse than the night before, and decided I shouldn't go to Bonginkosi. I was torn because it was our last day, so I wanted to have a proper goodbye, but I knew I would be miserable. I ended up sleeping from 8:30am until 2:30pm. I finally woke up and knew I needed to get out of my room to get some fresh air. I found out how the day went at the preschool from my teammates. They said it was hard to say goodbye to the kids, but we all know it was the right decision to start Walk in the Light. We are going to go back next Friday to take the prints of the school pictures to the kids and so I can say a real goodbye to Zodwa and the kids! I feel so much better about missing yesterday since I will have a chance to see them again.

Last night Carisa and I went out to dinner with Reagan, one of our CLC's, to discuss some of the information that would have been nice to know before coming to South Africa. He's going to put the input we gave him in the information packets for next semester's SA students. We might speak to the incoming groups too, and talk about some tips we would have liked to have known. We also had great conversations about apartheid and Reagan's past. He is a colored 26-year-old man whose first language is Afrikaans. (Sidenote: In SA, racial terms such as "colored" are used freely and are not considered offensive.) Growing up, Reagan started learning English but he was scared to speak it in his area because others would mock him. Speaking English put you at a higher level than those who didn't speak it, so when he spoke broken English, people in his community would discourage him and make fun of his efforts. He said how he can remember the day when all of a sudden everything for him changed from Afrikaans to English. His writing in his journal changed, his thoughts, his speaking, even his dreams changed all in one day. It's so interesting how the importance of speaking English has never even crossed my mind. What a blessing I take advantage of everyday!

He talked about growing up in an area of only colored people. He was considered better than blacks, but worse than whites. Once Mandela became president the apartheid supposedly ended. He said nonetheless, there is still the structure of apartheid everywhere. People were racially divided (physically and psychologically) and those divisions have remained. I have noticed when walking around town or in the malls how uncommon it is to see blacks and whites together in groups. It is still more common for the blacks to be the workers and the whites to be the customers. We have witnessed this even at our service sites. The volunteers are shocked when they find out we know how to cook and clean and that we don't have our own maids! It's so strange to think about how we are all living in the same era, sometimes I feel like I have traveled back in time. Yet, I must remember that race issues still occur everywhere. It has been incredibly eye-opening to experience this first hand.

During one of my Zulu classes this week our professor Wynn told us stories of life in PMB. I asked about how efficient 10111 (their version of our 911) is. She said in her area, just minutes away from African Enterprise, there is one police station that has only 2 cars to be dispatched. She said if there was an intruder in your home and you called 10111, you must speak in isiZulu because if they recognized you as a white, English-speaking person, they wouldn't help you. Yet, even if you spoke isiZulu, they would ask for all your personal information first before even attempting to send one of the cars to help you. By that point, the intruder would already be in your house!

She told us how she had to buy a gun to protect her children when they were young. Wynn has had experiences when men were coming onto her property and she had to threaten them. Wynn is absolutely hilarious and mentioned how she told her husband, "Don't you dare come home late and after dark because I'll shoot you!" She has been so trained to protect herself and her family that if she saw any unfamiliar shadow coming in the doorway, she would do whatever it took to be protected. It is just a different world here. She shares these stories as a regular dinner-table-discussion topic. Wynn also mentioned how some of her students, our pen pals, live in areas she doesn't even want to drive her car into because of the gang danger. Sometimes she drops the students off near their houses and she hurries them to get out of the car so she can turn around and drive away. For her to be scared in her locked car yet the young kids must then walk alone in the dark to their houses...I can't imagine. The toughness of kids my age and younger here is unattainable. The fact that they are forced to live such a lifestyle of self-defense is devastating. It definitely puts my daily struggles and worries into perspective.

Today I took a break from all the heaviness of service sites and went to Durban for the day! We went back to the market for souvenirs and then off to the beach. It was so relaxing. I fell asleep on the beach and actually started dreaming I was sleeping so soundly! It was wonderful. We drove back in another intense rain and lightening storm. Baba Philip is hands down, the best driver! Even when it seems like there is a wall of rain in front of the bus, he can see where to go. I love the feeling of being warm and dry inside when there is a huge storm outside. It reminds me of home a little. Right now I am watching Hairspray with the girls while sitting cozily in my sweatpants and sweatshirt. Tomorrow we are off to watch a musical about the history of South African music. I am constantly amazed at all the activities our tuition covers! This is just some of what I have been learning lately. Everyday brings me new mind-boggling things to think about that always end up hurting my head...and usually my heart.

day five

To be honest, I am entirely drained. Every ounce of my being feels empty. I am emotionally sucked dry, physically exhausted, mentally confused, and sick. Today we had to make a decision regarding whether or not we would stay at Bonginkosi or leave to Walk in the Light on Tuesday. Our group decided that we should finish out this week at the preschool and then switch to the other site next week. We will begin building a house in the township, Honniville, on Tuesday so it will be good to come at the beginning of that project rather than the middle of it. Click here to find out more about Walk in the Light.

I'm not sure why this decision to leave has been so difficult, but it has been such a process and a hard choice to make. As much as I have been reassured (by myself and others) that it wasn't a failure, part of me feels like the lack of success at the preschool has been a failure on my part. I have been worried that we will set a bad example of what it means to serve to Zodwa and the other teachers at Bonginkosi. It's my prayer that they will recognize that we are leaving with positivity and not anger. I'm not only feeling disappointment regarding that situation, but it is also going to be so hard to leave the kids tomorrow. Today we were singing songs and playing games with one of the classes as Khwezi snuggled into me for about an hour. As we sat there, Katie and I were thinking, "Why are we leaving?" Yet, I do recognize that we can't just sing and play with the kids for 3 weeks. So as hard as it will be tomorrow to say goodbye to their shining and joyful faces, I know we have made the right decision.

Zodwa took us back to the Muslim school to see the classes in full swing. As we walked there, she told us she had talked to Reg about us not coming back next week. She wondered why we were leaving and seemed sad about it. It saddened me to see her sad but yet frustrated that if she wants us there so much, why did she not work harder to give us a reason to be there? It seems as though my emotions do 180's everyday. One part of the day will be completely maddening while just 30 minutes later I will be laughing and filled with so much love and joy. I think these days have taken a toll on not only my emotions but my physical strength too. I started feeling sick last night and ended up leaving early today because I am feeling so sick and weak. I slept for over 4 hours after I returned and am about to go to bed before 9pm!

After talking to my parents throughout this experience and tonight (I'll admit, a few...or a lot...of tears were shed) I have realized how much I have learned about myself. I never knew how similar I am to my mom. We both have such a strong inclination to stand up for justice. If something is not fair or someone is being mistreated, something must be said. I have learned how to stand up for myself and be confident to respond to my internal urges for justice. I have learned how to serve in rough conditions. I have learned humility regarding what I have to offer to others. What I think I have to give to someone might not be what they need at that time. Who am I to think I know exactly what others need and is good for them? I have been humbled by the fact that service isn't always going to be tangible. All these kids might need right now is love and arms to be held in. The next semester of APU students might not be able to physically see what God has done at Bonginkosi, but that doesn't mean nothing good has taken place. And I am learning to be okay with that.

So tomorrow is my last day at Bonginkosi. It's weird to say that. I feel like we just started, yet I feel like I have been there for a month! I am praying I have the strength and health to make it the whole day tomorrow. I wouldn't miss saying goodbye to those kids for the world.

"Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. And I know they'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain."

a little humor

This is painted on the walls of Bonginkosi. Judging at my involvement in an almost fatal dog-pile last week, I'm not sure the kids have learned that commandment yet ;)

day four

Zodwa and I

Paintings on the old Bonginkosi site

The inside of the old Bonginkosi.

40 children would play and take naps in this tiny room.

Khwezi and I

Today was a bit of a different day at Bonginkosi.

First, I was informed that 2 of our team members were sick and had to stay back, and 1 was feeling sick but still chose to come with. I pictured myself in a swarm of kids twice the size as usual since almost half of our group was absent. I didn't really like the 32:1 ratio, so we decided that since we are all running ourselves into the ground we would spend a half day at Bonginkosi and then come back early.

Second, Reg wanted to drive us this morning so we could chat about what was occurring at the site and our frustrations. It was so nice to talk to him and get some clarity regarding the situation. He informed us that there had previously been two Americans working at the site who were in direct contact with our staff and organized all of the projects for the students. Those two are no longer at the site as of recent, leaving Zodwa on her own. Reg had thought they were training Zodwa to be able to handle it by herself and organize projects for us, but obviously that was not the case. It was interesting to hear him say how this is an entirely different Bonginkosi than even last semester. It makes me sad to see how quickly it had digressed. Reg then gave us the option to be pulled out of this site and go to Walk in the Light, another site where about 18 of our students are currently serving. We knew that choice was coming, but none of us really want to make it. We don't want to quit Bonginkosi after developing relationships with the children and after having our first successful parent meeting last night. Yet, we recognize that it is going to be a continuous battle that Reg says we don't deserve to fight. Yet, our thoughts began to change after talking to Reg because he said there is a need for us at WITL and there is a way he could remove us from Bonginkosi without hurting Zodwa or the parents/children. So now we are all left with a huge decision. We were hoping they would just force us to do one or the other but of course they are giving us the freedom to choose for ourselves. Tonight we will meet to discuss what is on our hearts.

Third, Zodwa had something for us to do! It's become sort of a joke for us to ask, "What would you like us to do today?" Usually the answer starts with a classic Zodwa laugh, then she says, "Ohhh, I don't know, whatever you want to do today." It gets funnier (and equally frustrating) every time we ask. But when Katie whipped out the infamous question this morning Zodwa began to answer with the expected line, but then she added her idea to take us to the Muslim school close by, to a home visit, and to see the old Bonginkosi site. I was in shock! It was an incredibly pleasant surprise but a part of me still didn't have confidence that her ideas would actually occur. We held her to her word though and we gathered our umbrellas to begin walking down the muddy road filled with bumps and potholes to visit these sites at half past 11. An interesting thing I noticed was that once she realized we were serious about going, it seemed like any little thing became a reason to not go. It started raining lightly, so it took some convincing that we wouldn't be cold and that we could walk in the rain. Once we convinced her, she went and got us each an umbrella. What an easy solution! Next, on our way out, the gate was locked. Zodwa dug through her huge key ring to find the right key. She couldn't find it. It almost seemed like this was a legitimate reason in her mind why we shouldn't go. Alas, the key was found and we began our tours. I have learned so much about the South African community in these 4 days at Bonginkosi and after interacting with Zodwa. I'm actually sort of thankful for moments like these.

Anyways, we ventured to the local Muslim school. Unfortunately the water had been shut off so classes got out early. They invited us back tomorrow for a better look at the school, but one of the girls took us around to see the grounds. We saw the room where they pray at specific times of the day and some of the classrooms. We met a group of 9th grade girls who were full of attitude (some things are the same no matter the time zone)! One of the girls invited us to stay at her house and to eat some food she would prepare. We politely declined her recipe for preparing the insides of a cow. I've had the tongue, I think my stomach has been through enough shock! After the tour of the middle/high school we went to the Muslim kindergarten. It was so refreshing to be with kids who were quiet. There were maybe 20 kids laying on the floor in silence. Ahhh so there is hope I will love kids again! Next, Zodwa took us to a neighboring house where one of the Bonginkosi preschoolers lives. We met his mother and great-grandmother. It was great to talk with more locals, especially after previously interacting with her son. I was able to talk a little bit about business with her, which is what she is studying right now at school. After she finishes her schooling she will likely move to India for work, which she said has its benefits and consequences. It's crazy how people here have to be so flexible in their careers since they rely on their job to such an extreme. We said goodbye and ventured on to the old Bonginkosi site.

The old building is so much smaller than the present location and is just a few houses down the road. We saw the tiny rooms where 40 kids would attempt to nap and play. We also met a hilarious group of 6 Gogo's (grandmothers). They meet regularly at the site and do projects. Their newest project is knitting scarves and hats for the upcoming winter season. They were a bundle of joy and laughter. It was fun to practice a bit of my zulu on them and make them chuckle.

It was wonderful to get out of the preschool and into the community today. This is what we had been dying to do since the beginning of service sites. Seeing such a variety of communities gave me a lot to think about too. I love seeing all the different pieces that make up South Africa.