waiting

Sometimes I wonder the purpose of everything I am seeing and experiencing here. When will I understand why I was placed at Bonginkosi? When will I grasp each and every lesson I am meant to learn here? When will it all make sense? 2 weeks...2 months...2 years from now? I am finding that I am just going to have to be patient and wait. I hate waiting! As much as I know I need to wait, I don't think I believe it yet. I was talking to a friend, Chelsea, telling her my frustrations about service sites. I was saying how I knew I needed to be faithful and that I would see the purpose later on, but I was just impatient. She told me, "Hilary, I think you know you need to wait, but you don't believe it yet." That caused me to stop and think about how I could not agree more. I know I have already learned a lot of lessons from my recent experiences, but I'm not satisfied and know there has to be a bigger purpose than what I currently see. And with my personality, I want to know it now.

I feel like I've also been waiting to be used. Here I am, an able-bodied 19-year-old who wants to be used and serve with all of my being....yet it's not happening! This has been one of the most frustrating things about waiting. Finally I am finding relief as I start Walk in the Light tomorrow and will hopefully be worn out every night from the productive work being done during the day. Nonetheless, I am trying my best to get more and more comfortable with waiting. It's a slow process but as the purpose is continuously (and slowly!) revealed, I am confident that day will come!

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."